oh...that last line really hit something. It was very powerful ^_^. The rhyming pattern in the second stanza is kind of weird, but you don't notice it unless your looking for it, so it's not that bad. other than that though, it's a grea poem! very, very powerful meaning and bold lines. keep on writing!

i like this one not to bad for someone writing english and not having it as a native tongue

Love the rhyme in this one. I have yet to find a piece of yours that needs improvement hehe

Bravo

I like it, it's dark, but that's never a bad thing. The words were perfect for it, and just wow. I really liked it.

(Sorry I can't seem to login)
Anyway.. I liked this piece.. It flows really well and you chose the perfect words to fit into this.. The rhyming was very natural.. Its cool how you managed to change the rhyming structure without losing rhythm to the poem.. Interestin piece.. Very enjoyable.. Good job.. =)

This was a terrific poem, albeit a bit dark. But I like dark and I like writing dark too! Great job, terrific rhythm!

LOVE the last stanza. Very nice...