 Willow Elandria 2004-04-17 . chapter 2once again, incredibly written, and unbelievably... creepy... with faint echoes of poignancy and some deeper meaning... *shivers*
all i can say is, wow.
~Willow |
 Willow Elandria 2004-04-17 . chapter 1wow. this is just amazing. i love the kind of surreal, trance-like feeling, as if everything's in black and white, and then the few splotches of color - the trees, the hopscotch squares, the dog... i don't know how to describe this, really, except to say that it was incredible, and that you're an incredible writer with a beautiful and unique style.
it's one of those stories that gives you shivers at the end... i love those.
~Willow |
 blanketgirl 2003-09-25 . chapter 1interesting. just a note.
"I reach for the door, but it swings open. Not like it’s ajar, either. I see the handle turn."
your flow is broken. a suggestion: "I reach for the door, but i see the handle turn. It swings open."
whatever you want, just thought you might want to consider it.
really, i love the style. beautiful. |
 Nickety 2003-07-17 . chapter 1Nice story ... I like the italicized one-liners stuck around here and there. :) |
 Whisper to the Water 2003-07-17 . chapter 1Yeah, and I was on hallucinogenic Darjeeling, but am I whining?! No...
Finally! A Tim story that I understood on only the second read. Honestly, I liked it. My favorite line was the traveler's response to the dog. Umm...I'll think of something profound and reflective to say later. That's the product of too much algebra. |
 Anumati 2003-07-17 . chapter 1You say this is bad, but I think it is merely different. Lots of interesting plot elements are used.
The astral travel is carried out in a methodical, repetitive manner - like a dream, or the mind of a child. The repeating words reminded me of this ADHD kid I sometimes teach at the dojo.
The killer (?) waiting at the doctor's home is pretty nifty, but it's a very Tim-ish element. I'll forgive you because you're on the drugs.
I like the dog and the hopscotch. Makes it seem more real.
All in all, it's not bad. I didn't understand why you wrote, "one bad deed deserves another," though. I'm sensing an untold backstory there. |
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