Wow. Some very interesting developments here. Superb description of Draven in the beginning. I loved the conversation between him and Jaren, I'm always impressed when an author can do such excellent characterization in such few words. So what, Dorren is the Witch Queen's BROTHER? That'll definitely make things more complicated. Anyway, in my opinion, your character sketching was much better in this chapter and the pacing was also quicker. Lol, after all those emails about your grammar mistakes, I really can't find anything wrong with this part! So adieu until my next review!
P.S. "Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?"

Nitpicky grammar things that you asked for:
-"Pushing on their boundaries" should be "pushing their boundaries."
-"The prince wanted to look into those eyes no longer than he wanted to sit around with the Twilight Wolves..." Replace "no longer" with "no more"
-"From the mouth was solid stone, barring the passage.." Is that supposed to be "in front of the mouth" or "inside of the mouth"?
-"You would condemn I, also, then?" It's supposed to be "You would condemn me..."
Your descriptions are top-notch and I could easily picture your world. Your characterization of the prince is also excellent, he really does seem like a spoiled brat in that little internal monologue of his in the very beginning. One suggestion though: In the first part of this chapter before the page break, there is a glaring lack of dialogue. Although you quickly fix this, I can't help but feel like I'm missing out on a lot because there's no example of how the prince and his friend react to/interact with their captors. The lack of speech just seems unnatural especially when compared to all the strange things that happen to them. Also, without dialogue, things seem to happen at every moment, and that might be why some of your readers have complained of being confused.
Anyway, nice description of the female voice. I really like all the metaphors you compared it to, especially the ocean one. Dorren and Colin seem to have a very nonchalant attitude towards being imprisoned though, I guess I was expecting more fear and uncertainty from them. Interesting though, Colin obviously has some sort of relationship going on with the Witch, and I'm sure there's something behind her being more interested in him than in the prince. Uhh btw, the whole descpription of the clearing when you list all of the different kinds of herbs and trees there - truthfully I didn't even bother to read that list. I like your descriptions, but that particular part was just TOO detailed - in my opinion such an exhaustive list is unnecessary. Anyway, I'm glad you included that whole faerie bit, it reveals how cocky Dorren can be. All in all I enjoyed this first chapter. Although it drags in a few parts, your world and your characters are intriguing and I definitely will be reading more.

Eh is this really necessary? I dunno, I generally just make up my own way of pronouncing names in fantasy stories and just stick with it. It's sorta jarring too, I was expecting the story to start at this part or immediately after the pronunciation guide. My advice would be to cut this part entirely, but if you really feel that it's that important to have all your readers pronouncing these names correctly, that's up to you.

Nice prologue, although the first sentence was a little cliche and reminded me too much of the "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times," shpiel of The Tale of Two Cities. I did enjoy the idioms involving her though, that was a realistic touch. Good job introducing a few ideas that I'm sure are going to recur (her brothers and sisters) and as far as prologues goes, this draws in the reader well.

well-written and interesting--but this seems to be set quite a while ago, so avoid using modern words and phrases!

It's nice to know that you haven't fallen off the face of the Earth. Please, sometime remember your disk. Or go to a library with it sometime and load it in that way... if that would work...
>.>

O.o I think I might actually be understanding more of this and getting less confused! Weird... This was a great and magnificent chapter, and I love how you write. I would really like to know how the whole Queen/Beast thing works... they inhabit the same body, but are seperate beings... ? I am confused... please explain this at some pont in your story... like a dialogue between the two or the Mother explaining it to all the little witches... something like that...

... *blinkblink* umm... yes... Is he dead? Is the Mother a good person who just happened to have a rather screwed up daughter? How special and unique is the messenger who rides the unicorn lord and refuses to speak? Can she speak? I hope that all of these questions, and more, shall be answered over the course of the story. (oh. by the way, I LOVE this story. I simply ADORE its beautious self. w00t I say. w00t.)

I love your story. It really does rock its just...more then a little confusing. You need to 'mop up' some of the tidbits that don't make sense and give the reader more info in the beginning before they become permanetly confused.

O.O; woah. just... WOAH! that was... impressive. To say the least. I especially like the Mother. And how she is a teacher teaching about herself. Why doesn't she go and talk some sense into that daughter of hers? I suppose her daughter would jsut ignore her... and such... but what would happen if the Mother and Father created a man for the Lady (their daughter) to fall in love with who was her opposite in every way and thus would balance her? have they? am I just being opptimistic and hoping that someone or something could conrtol the monster that is her? who knows...

Very good. Other than what the other reviewers mentioned i cant find anything really wrong with it except one thing... its better than my story! I'll catch up with ya though;) (that is if it will ever upload... bad, bad computer problems! :/) Most excellent ::bows to:: :D ( ::psst psst:: think about getting it published! :) )

adding to author alert list...

Just another quick thing- in the list of herbs that Dorren finds in the garden, you mentioned coriander twice. Just a minor distraction

great job keep writing

So far, I've only read half of the first chapter. I strained as hard as I could to find something wrong with the story, and only came up with two measly suggestions:

Maybe you could describe the part when they are imprisoned by the knights a tad more, it would make it more professional sounding. I like descriptive stories, and yours is a lot already, but this is a major part.

Also, the black castle wasn't described as much either. Maybe you could have described the doors as he walked in or the outside appeal more.

But I love your story! Have you given a thought about trying to get this published? Let me keep reading! Is it finished?