Hey Liese
that was a cool one...I think it's to do with Co-op?? Anyways, girl we think you ROCK at poetry.
luv C and A.

*breaks into enthusiastic applause*! Gosh, this needs to be published one day! So original, wonderful description and unique images! Great! Greetings from Weirdology

Wow. You have a great style. I really liked how vivid your images were. Keep writing!

SO GOOD. i can't believe you just wrote this because the work section looked kinda empty! it's impossible to just yank something this ghastly real and powerful out of a whim . . . isn't it?! *sigh* the visions i got from this were really striking ~ vivid and heartlessly 'normal' without being normal at all. there was almost a second dimension attached to it, lurking like a shadow on every word. SUCH a cool effect. it kinda reminds me of those creepy The-Future-Will-Be-Like-This short stories they make you read as a sophomore ~ particularly the last line. there was this uncanny and eerie silence about the poem as a whole that's just oppressing, i mean it's like even echoes are completely outlawed - and the sound (or lack thereof) did wonders for the aura of the piece. again, i stand in awe of your matchless freestyle skills. as i believe i mentioned before, the imagery is truly captivating in it's three-dimensional blandness, and all your comparisons are startling. i had a whole truckload of favorite lines from this one and it took me a while to narrow 'em down, but here goes: "the electric snake curls through this still air," "her tobacco-flavoured fingers flutter," "she is the sparkling dime in the drawer" (that line positively SHONE, perhaps because there aren't many other 'sparkling' things in the piece, but it was truly brilliant regardless), "her talents are mashed and processed," "the digital voice of his majesty/'suicide on aisle 6," and my favorite stanza was:

the cold metal is comfort in its purest form
it melds with her skin like a melody
and softly sings her to sleep

this is without a doubt one of your greatest accomplishments. it really hit home for me. even as i write this i'm completely submerged in a silent gray world ~ lasting effects are testament to a poem's power. ;) superior work here, chica. LOVE it. loads and loads of kudos!

Very unique! And very detailed. It really, how can I say it? packed a punch. Very good!

~ CoolBeans18s

Woah, I am quite amazed by your writing skill. The concise and effective way you descrive events is wonderful. I'd be with holding the truth if I didn't tell you that I think that you're easily one of the best writers on this site.

This was really interesting. Unique, I should say... the last line, especially. =) Great job!

great poem! wonderful, but very sad and moving and powerful. i like it. good job!

Ahh...the shops...I think someone needs to clean the blood...

BlackV.Rose~~

Wow, you created such a dark image in my head. I loved the lines: "forty forty-eight, limes were her first love"

AND

"suicide on aisle 6"

Those were the lines that really stuck with me. Great job.

Interesting. I like the stanza with "her tobacco-flavoured fingers flutter..." Very descriptive. Packs a punch.

You gave some really good details and descriptions. Very nice work.


~Heart of the Sword