|
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| Please Note The Sarcasm 2006-03-10 ch 1, | kool! kooky! funny! good one! |
| lynx wings 2005-07-23 ch 1, | Interesting idea, and I love the names, but I did have some problems. Love is supposed to be pretty by the standards of then. Then-standards asked for very pale skin, if I am not mistaken. However Love "refused to stay out of the sun so freckles dotted her otherwise fair skin." Freckles were not considered ladylike. I also don't understand the reason we have to know all about Brent and the exact ages of the sisters. The whole think is told in a very modern style. It grates in places, particularly when you're talking about todays standards of beauty versus the standards of then and also when Azubah yells about a "slant eyed freak." You don't have much dialogue, and you need to decide whether you want to make it all modern or all old-fashioned. "No one's pulling on your dress, Love," Azubah snapped, "you just caught it on a splinter." Sounds time-neutral. I found myself wondering about the probablility of a lot of the things in here. You don't say what time period it's set in or where it's set. I would recommend moving it into a fantasy-world, which would fix a lot of it. Also, proof read! I caught a lot of errors, many of which could have been caught with the help of spellcheck. People are kidnapped, not kidnaped. :) Good luck! |
| ThePaollai 2005-07-03 ch 1, | That was so much fun to read! I like your "real" story better than the fairy tale! :D |
| killer in me 2005-06-30 ch 1, | Heh. Interesting, and very enjoyable (especially at 4am). The last line got me laughing, but the rest of the story was funny too. It's a relief from all the other kind of fantasy stories, to be truthful. |
| Aurum Potestas Est 2005-06-04 ch 1, | This is very interesting and quite funny. :) I liked the last line alot. |
| bitter-sweet-ana 2005-04-25 ch 1, | i loved this! i hate reading fluffy proncesses and prices tale in which all is for love and happiness and royalty always ends up joyful towards the end. this was much more believable. Good job! P.S. i wondered why you spelled magic with a "k" but i figured out u did it on purpose. im curious, why? |
| Shadow Gryphon 2005-03-02 ch 1, | *laughs* Loved that last bit - none of their kids had Biblical names. ^^ Great! And the rest of the story was great too, of course! Gryph |
| Svonnah_la_fay 2005-02-04 ch 1, | What a fabulous story! I love it! |
| The-Harbinger 2005-01-05 ch 1, | Funny... Very creative. though i dont know why you put a space in every line |
| person1532790 2004-07-22 ch 1, | wow, this is really funny! ^_^ cool! |
| Quiet One 2004-07-01 ch 1, | lol. That was great. Very funny :D |
| Lorelei Kayeri 2004-06-02 ch 1, | that was an interesting story, tho i do feel sry for all those 'ugly' sisters. good work! |
| BarrenWasteland 2004-05-22 ch 1, | I liked it, alot. :) It was funny. I wish you could write more, and to the person below me, it is rude to beg for reveiws. |
| cpalaka 2004-02-27 ch 1, | cool. Thats funny! (will you please, please review my story now?) |
| White Mage 2003-07-30 ch 1, | That was a good story! But I felt bad for Love's sisters. They shouldn't have imprisoned all those men, but the world that they escaped into sounded beautiful! |