Reviews for Unknown - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Unknown - Reviews: Page 1 of 5

I am Gone 2003-09-11 ch 22,	abuseWe! This was such a great story.
Prince(ss) of Hell 2003-08-28 ch 22,	abuse::bounces:: Yay! Shishi/Mochi forever and ever and ever! ::big grin:: I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to review chapters 21, 20, etc and stuff ::sniffles:: But I'd love love love love love to see a sequel ::nods:: definitely sequel. With much Shishi/Mochi goodness ^_^ ~Prince(ss)
Mira Lea 2003-08-27 ch 22,	abuselmao...i won't hurt todd, promise. i have to say that was a very sweet ending. in truth it doesn't matter to me if you do the prequel or the sequel first, but whichever you decide to do i'll be reviewing! that was also really sweet with todd telling mochi about loving him and everything, so as i said i'm not going to hurt him :) well neway~~ as i've probably said before great story, kawaii ending, and i'll start reviewing on your other stuff soon. ja ne!!
jntpooh 2003-08-26 ch 22,	abuseI think you should do a sequel.You could make it that shishiro becomes a vampire or something!very cool story!
Dauther of Death 2003-08-25 ch 1,	abuseDramatic. I've been down that road before. None to worry! ^_^ Great story! I really like this.
firess 2003-08-24 ch 21,	abuse"" Shishiro has been fine sense a week ago," she said calmly." since. sense is the five senses and such. "" As safe as it gets, I sware I won't ever let anything bad happen to Shishiro again," Mochi said honestly." swear. "" Oh... um... are there any blood donars around?" " donors. "He sighed and got up out of bed and streached." tis stretched. and you spelled elevator wrong. just so you know. also, sorry if i sound a tad harsh. i really do like this story
firess 2003-08-24 ch 20,	abuse"Mochi's eyes widened in shock as he identafied the gun." identified. "" He's sick with namonia I think... I'm sorry Mochi," " pneumonia. helicopter only has one 'l' in it. "The ambulence. Mochi felt cloved hands begin to peel the wings away from them, and they took Shishiro quickly, laying him on a streacher and running him into the helicopter." stretcher.
firess 2003-08-24 ch 19,	abuse"The government officials of the V.E.A. did experiments on me all the while, enhancing my strenght, speed, and abilaties. " strength. abilities. "Ten lashes for every chicken,' ten years for every victem" tis victim.
firess 2003-08-24 ch 17,	abuse"But now he was nervouse. Shishiro was late. Todd knew that Shishiro would be able to heal extremely fast after having fed, but was he strong enough to even get a meal?" nervous. and isnt it mochi? vea? whats that? gosh there are so many... " Mochi would have barfed had he had any blood earlier. " such a beautiful story, why ruin it with a word like barf? could you not say something such as emptied his stomach? and one other thing, are his tears all bloody? as they were a few chapters ago?
firess 2003-08-24 ch 16,	abuse" He sighed, then winced when his lungs pressed against his broaken ribs. " tis broken. "But the music of the heartbeat continued to echoe through his brain." tis echo. "Mochi couldn't identify all the different instraments, but he could tell that something was missing. " instruments. "He gave up the fight to keep his mind away from it and began consintrating to find that one instrument the musical peice needed." concentrating. "He could see the notes infront of him, and he sandwiched his music between the beets." beats. " Mochi opened his eyes and he was able to see bits of the pictures fly bye. " by. bye is like goodbye. " In it, Mochi soared through the air, bathed in moonlight. Two black wings immerging from his shoulder blades, the ends dissappearing at the end of the page." emmerging. disappearing. "The process was slow and excruciating, worse then the pain he had felt before, worse then the pain it had taken to become a vampire." worse than. " Mochi stood up streight, dropping his flute on the floor." straight.
firess 2003-08-24 ch 10,	abuse"Shishiro almost frowned when his foster brother took his hand away, but he wouldn't let his dissappointment show." disappointment. " A pale orange light almost impossible to see shot into the lock and the trunk popped open. Mochi grabbed a ragged duffle bag from the trunk and closed it, and went back inside. " tisnt necessary to say trunk in the second sentence. tis a bit repetitive.
firess 2003-08-24 ch 9,	abuse" It was also of the same woman, only her wings were outstreached, and her head was tilted back to show only her chin and the tip of her nose." outstretched. "With each new picture the woman became less beautiful, and slowly the pictures came to what Amy looked like then, a stout, broaken woman." broken. oh and uhm just so you know, dommon means something totaly different than come on. "He poured equil ammounts into the glasses and handed one to Mochi before putting the pitcher back in the fridge. " equal. and amounts. "Mochi lay down on his bad and staired at the cealing, letting the music consume him. " stared and ceiling. "He traced the black wings with his index finger, completly intranced by the picture. " entranced.
firess 2003-08-24 ch 8,	abuse" He pushed open the door to the library and took in a wiff of the scent of books." tis whiff. "" If I can find any decent pics for someone with young unexperianced eyes,"" inexperienced. "Earlier when he had spoken of not remembering his parents because the were like five hundred years ago, he meant it." did he not say 600 in the earlier chapter? "Mochi untied his own shoes and set them neetly at the foot of his bed and sat down on the corner." tis neatly. "He dumped the supplies on his bed and took out a false cardboard bottem to the shoe box and took out an inch thick stack of heavy duty paper with pictures on them. " bottom. "" Careful with them, some are done in charcol so they smear," " charcoal. " Mochi looked at his foster brother who was buisy drawing another picture, then back to the stack he held." busy.
firess 2003-08-24 ch 7,	abuse"Everyone watched in suspence to see what he would do as he bent his knees slightly, then suddenly he stepped to the side, his posture never changing. " suspense. nervous doesnt have an 'e' on the end. "" Meh, it was just a flook, no one could calculate or do something like that on purpous!"" purpose. apologize only has one 'p' "He emediatly pulled the collar of his shirt up over his mouth to wipe his lips, but Mochi pulled it back down to it's proper spot." immediately. tisnt "strided", tis "strode" good chapter
firess 2003-08-24 ch 6,	abuse"Emediatly after the whistle was blown, the field errupted with action. " tis immediately. you spelled defense wrong. "Shishiro was doing great as he usually did, sweat poured down his face after the first five minutes, his heart raced, and his feet were beginning to get soar from all the passing he had done." tis sore, and this is a bit of a runon sentence. you might put a semicolon in place of the first comma to correct this. you spelled maneuvered wrong in here too. and positions a few times. jersied isnt a word. try instead jersey wearing. "He stood there watching the ball, with his perfect posture he looked like a stone statue with movable eyes wich had squinted themselves into slits. " moveable and which in this one. good chapter though.

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