Nice job there buddy! You better keep writing, and send me some of those sometime on msn, i love your poems, though they ARE free verse ;) hehe keep it up lil man :)
~Kara~

It's dark and mysterious. Very interesting.

Kick ** poem there man, loved it. It flows nice, with good breaks. Excellent imagry. Good vocabulary. Just excellent all the way round. WE HAVE GOT TO WORK ON A STORY TOGETHER

This could be a good free form poem, but the message kind of gets lost through all the spelling errors and stuff.