Really liked the prolouge, although it felt as if it needed to be fleshed out with a little more information. As for the start of chap. 1, the difference is like night and day. They seem to be from two different stories. I mean the prolouge plotcomes accross a bit disjointed from chap 1. And Chap 1 tells so much without any other detail that is on a personal level with the chaaracters. Take heart, was still a good read. Needs little work.

This is a promising begining that I'd like to see a little more of, assuming that you're still on this site. The only thing I'd say that would improve this intro is more details about the boys and their surroundings. I was not sure about the ages until nearly the end of the entry. I started out thinking they were quite young and the age went up with every paragraph. Do keep up the good work.

Very well written -- you have a superb plot, and your imagination is credited by your writing skills.

I especially liked the last two lines of the first chapter: 'After all, he was just a teenage boy playing airsoft. What did he know?' - it is so much alike remarks of adults, such as 'He's just a child, he wouldn't know any better' et cetera.

Good job.

This is a really good story but is there going to be more?

I like it so far but where is the rest of the story at? And what the heck is the plot? And who Are you writing it for? love elissa

I like it so far but where is the rest of the story at? And what the heck is the plot? And who Are you writing it for? love elissa