you almighty writing god. I loved this. It was so great. Really. Truly great.

That was so sad..
Full of longing and all those emotions..
Beautifully written, I loved all the descriptions and observations and how you described the whole scenario..
Amazing, the whole piece seemed in its own world, and half breathless at that..
It was short, yet clear and precise and definitely moving.. It makes the reader feel for the character in the poem..
Such sadness, I loved it..
Very enjoyable read, do keep writing..

~Shadafakup

i really like this... it's so good... you're a great author, keep writing!

watching the world pass him by... wow just like me... great poem

Now YOU, my friend, have true talent. This is a POV not often used. And you used it very well. So very, very well! I'm adding this to my favorites...wow. Honestly, you did great with this.

Only things that bugged me were "wishing only to fly"; who's wishing to fly? Him, her, some bird on a tree? It's right in between the transition from talking about her to him, and it's a little confusing. Also,
"he watches as she shuffles like in a trance". This is good up to "like in a trance". It throws it off. Maybe try putting it on the next line down?

And last thing! The last two lines were great. It brings it to a full circle, encapsulating the whole moment. It really makes an impact. But I think it might have been more effective if there was a space between all the other parts, and then that part. Because right now, you read and read and then boom! Here's the last line! Ack! Where did that come from? Spaces can be like little breaths. I think a little breath right in there would be great.

But this is still amazing, and I might add, better than a lot of poems here. Cheetos to you! :P

This is a great. You really pulled the poem together with the "too far" lines. They express how far the girl really feels from him. Great job.

Wow.. I liked this one alot. It was really good. The "CLouds pass by" phrase helps the poem alot.

Damn if it isn't always the way of things.

I like this...it seems so real!

Good imagery here--I like it tons. The repitition with the "Too far" lines really pulled the whole poem together too. Good job. :)

Good imagery. nice writing :)