*clapclapclap*

Yay! You finished it! And it's wonderful! I love the epilogue. Love it. It's all good and yay! :( about Herbin, though.

Now, you must publish it.

Loved the descriptions in Chapter 34, btw.

-Arpy

[applause]

Hurrah for finishing! :D

Hurrah for me finally getting around to reading this! ;)

To be honest on the bad side, the end seemed a bit...rushed. But that could be "GET IT DONE, ALREADY!" frustration taking its toll.

On the good side, killing off Issen took my breath away. He was cool! And then he goes all noble and sacrificial and I wanted to hug him AND Herbin and it was very sad and very good and *sigh*.

And the point of Herbin's pull? Gives me shivers. (Good shivers.) His life is pretty much going to suck, huh? Living for a reealy long time, dealing out death. Not with the fun. I don't know how much of the rest of his story you know, but I'd be interested to read it someday.

Congrats. :)

We've come so far! And it is already over?

Fabulous ending. Nothing better to end a story than with a kiss. ;p

It's official this is the BEST story I've ever read on fiction press, and in a long time, I really think you could get it published! You should try anyway :) great ending! x

So exciting! Poor Issen :( so Herbin's a magician, eh? interesting, and still poor Darryn. Can't wait for more!

*growls* All of my Chapter references have been slaughtered, mutilated, ruined!

I am sorry, you'll have to ignore them then. I did not expect FP to be so gay.

You get brownie points for the opening quote by Faulkner. I've written an essay on "The Sound and Fury" before; the book was pretty good, once you got used to the weird style and format.

Darryn's a good name, and you've got a simple spelling. Nice. Outlandish name spellings often make me wince, and are sore on the eyes.

" 'Wha…' Darryn began wittily." - Chapter I. That, my friend, was hilarious. My heart was beating fast at the chase, at Darryn's urgency, and then the words and flow and rhythm bring me to this line and my heart stopped. Perfectly executed and witty in itself.

You might what to check the format of Chapter I., right after the -, first paragraph. What's supposed to be italicized is not, and runs into the next sentence: "Why steal from me? I didn’t have anything left..." (FP certainly does screw up the format of everything, though they're getting better than they used to be. ;p)

I liked the dialogue between Darryn and the pretty girl in Chapter I.; it was very amusing. I am looking forward to more interaction between the two; it should prove interesting.

You've done incredible things with characterization so far. Your grammar and vocabulary abilities are superb. And your descriptive devices... *whistles* - immaculate.

“ 'You’ll have to catch me first.' ” - Chapter I. Very nice line. It suits the pretty girl's personality and you've kept her "in-character" very well. That's good. Some writers tend to lose sight of their characters, and their personalities flail from who they were at the beginning. Nice job.

You do realize that you've submitted Chapter I. twice, in a row, don't you? Or maybe FP is just having problems? You should look into that.

Sarcastic, clever, demanding... I like Elena. That's a good name as well.

"The man hit the floor like a falling redwood..." - Chapter I.5. That is a VERY nice simile. I love it!

Damn you, I wanted to see Bertlam again. And you've done gone and stated that Darryn never sees him again. You are cruel. ;p

You are very consistent with Elena's dialect; I am envious. I've always had trouble with dialect - I just don't have the ear for it.

Oh oh oh! Chapter IV.: Elena... *shakes with laughter* Russeters!... *gasps* that joke she pulled on Darryn... *shudders, takes a deep breath, and laughs some more*... Incredible!

The brelligs are surely fascinating. I like them. They certainly seem more "cihilized" than humans, don't they?

Chapter VI.: I like what Elena has determined to be her purpose in life. It certainly makes me want to read more! :) -> " '... one Russeter at a time.' " Bravura!

The name you've chosed for the enemy is memorable and it elicits fear at every utterance. A nice touch.

O... the guard's name is Enoch, nice choice.

“ '... you might find yourself less of a man then you were before.' ” A very nice line. Well executed, funny, and threatening all in one neat little package. Well done!

I really liked the ending to Chapter XI. Introspective, insightful, examining, perceptive, thoughtful... It saddens me that Darryn was forced to kill Arn, his best friend.

In Chapter XII.5., unique use of onomatopoeia: "shing"; I like it!

Aw... poor Moop.

Elena's comment/joke about poetry in Chapter XVI. was classic. I nearly fell over after my tired brain registered that.

OH NO! Moop! You are evil! A servant? Unfair! And you made Elena cry! For shame!

A interesting turn of events, the Old Ones are trolls. Unusual. Most writers cast trolls in an unsavory light; you, however, choose to depict them as the greatest, the oldest of all living things. I like your style.

Oh no! You stole Darryn's hand! How could you?!

And you killed Issen! *sobs*

I wish I could come across more stories like this one: well-written, engaging, addictive, enthralling... it carried me away. If it wasn't three a.m., I'd cry. You underestimate your work. It is good. Perhaps not a best-seller, not yet. But with a good editor, a publisher, an agent... well, you could storm the world with this story, with Darryn and Elena's confusing, escalating tenderness (love?) for one another, with the endearing Moop, with the brellig, with Issen and his friendship with Herbin... there is so much potential here! I am embarrassed of what I have written after reading your work. I feel like a neophyte, and my work: green, unworthy. I will be back to read the rest of your stuff, there is no doubt about that.

I bid thee Goodnight. I look forward to reading more, so please, update soon.

amusing ending of a chapter lol, and poor Darryn and his ha-stump...

Such a good story, can't wait for more :D xx

so far it's a page turner. gonna come back to read more.

update

Yea, chapters! Thank you for putting them back up. You really should finish it, even if you end up hating it. Then the NEXT thing you write will be one step up, and so on and so forth. This is my new "Just Suck It Up and Finish It" Theory I've adopted for myself. Granted, it helps if I'd actually START something...
Anyway. Review. LOVE the tree/branch/anyway is down thing. Took me about as long to get my head around it as the characters, but once I did I loved it.
And YIKES with the hand-chopping. Darryn recovered rather fast, so I hope that he has some relapses later. You gave him a little one in the boat, when he tried to look at his hand and had to look away. I imagine coping with losing a limb like that would be highly traumatic. You hear about people who swear the hand/etc. that doesn't exist anymore itches. And it's definitely going to affect his fighting skills.
Speaking of fighting skills, how wicked is Elena? Taking out a group of armed Bysijjans on one leg, presumably without her crutch? It's been a while since we've truly seen her in action, and I was kind of sad that at that moment that this story is mainly through Darryn's eyes, as he was too overwhelmed at the time to see exactly how she did it.
One thing that bothered me--how we suddenly know Selenar's name. It would be better if he introduced himself during his whole vengeance thing.
Excited about the Issen twist, and shuddering at the thought of the Brellig siege that's coming. And the smell. Also about as anxious to follow Herbin's pull as he is.
Keep it up. Please.
I still miss Moop.

Sorry, logging in far too much hassle; well, i can safely say that I'm completely confused as to exactly what you've done, but hey! So long as you keep it as great from here onwards as it has been, I've got no problems ^_^ Please update soon!
Loadsa love, Estel x

I don't understand your critic. A basic reading of the story would show there is no narrator and all the speach ends with quotation. It doesn't matter just before you give vague critism to a piece at least read it through. I am not going to change it.
Good day to you.

Wow. Truly amazing. lol at the authors note. But this fic is brilliant. It took me a while to read, so I went to bed each night wondering what would happen to Darryn and Elena.
I like his contradicting thoughts and the attraction between him and Elena. I loved the way his feelings caught up with him, and I was crying a bit myself, when Arn died.
You're a great writer and I'm so glad my friend (Estel of silver song) introduced me to your fic
Please update soon, I need more!
x

*stands back and starts to breathe again*
This story is... Awe-inspirating. Spell binding. Mind blowing. Simply bloody amazing! You writing skills are phenomenal! Please say that you'll update this soon, becoz I don't think I could live without it! Everything about it is so real and believeable, despite the fact that its complete fantasy! Not only that, but you created pronouncable names too... ^_~ Doesn't it just annoy yuo when u find things you can't pronounce becoz they're so stupidly long? Mmn.
Anyways, please don't keep me waiting too long! I might cry cry... Or else I shall set up a tent in your front garden in protest.
Loadsa love, Estel x