Hmm. I've not read your work for a while, my dear. I love the Emo Boy stories but I'd love to see you work on something like this. The slot for some supernatural stuff is great. I hate finding that something that has an interesting premise is discontinued.

I'd say work on this a bit. I'm intrigued witht he neckace and key.

Just a few grammatical mistakes in here.

I loved the first four lines. Wow, they were cool. And the purple aliens zapping maturity- priceless. You made one typo: when you were describing her eyes you said pf instead of of. Just thought I'd point it out-perfectionist, that I am. Her eyes sounding really cool, by the way. Oh, and Jay sounded HOT! Heh heh, I love mysterious guys. The accent part made me laugh... I guess, being Canadian myself, I don't think of us having an accent. The part about calling her pretty girl was funny, too. Only criticism is, it ending kind of abruptly. I would have thought it would go back to the present after the flashback. It just seemed kind of un-ended. Which is why I think you should write more! And also because I really liked it. It was great! You should write more, okay? I want to see what her mom's present is!

u gotta write more. i want to know what happens next

i would like to read the end of it

its a good start. Are you considering writing more? If so, I'd like to read the ending. There are a few grammar mistakes but overall its a nice story.