This story shows alot of promise! It is engaging from the start and keeps you in your seet, ready for more. Nice work. Can't wait to read more. Great start!

This shows promise would love it for you to continue if not then not only will I blame u for my poor starved mind but also for my death lol Just kidding or am I? Hurry up with Chapetr 4 or I'll come after you with a fork.

This is really interesting--I haven't seen many stories in which elves are despised. The story goes a bit fast, and a little too much of the story is dialogue. But keep up the good work.

I know this comment is like a year after your last update, but I felt that I should just leave a comment. Hope this gets to you and that you might consider finishing this story. OK, on to the real comment!

Awesome, I love your characters and their personalities. I like how you portray elves as a lower class, unlike every other stories where elves are like the highest class possible.

Nice.
I like the way the plot is going. It's caught my interest.
A few suggestions to make it better and add a little twirl to the characters:
First of all, the pace is a little fast. Add a bit more description and detail to the world and character appearances. Make it easier for everyone to picture what's going on (but don't go all out on it, either cause that makes it boring ^^)
Um...It seems you're taking the story from one character point-of-view at a time, so...try something like delving into their thoughts all the time. What are they thinking as they fight, run, talk, or just sit around and do nothing? And putting their thoughts into italics also seems to be the way most authors do it nowadays.
And all-and-all just try to make everything flow smoothly. The second chapter was much better than the first, but it still seems a bit choppy and fast.
These are just little things that I do to my work to make it sound more professional. (i study what my favorite authors do and ask 'why does it capture my attention' and then I try to copy the technique) ^^
But I like the story and the characters, and I hope you send in some more soon 'cause it really is getting very interesting.
~Reda~

Hey check out Wolfwinds story. Its great!

Hey, I liked the new edition. Was it my email that prompted it, or did you just have it ready? Well anyway I liked it and do write faster this time round, I am starting to like this Sephriathol character. No pressure though, eh. I'll be making a new edition to 'Danarian' soon in case you care at all. Bye then for now.

I'm back! And a couple of typos:
"Slipping a piece of fruit off the wagon, into his shabby cloak he ambled . . ." Try, "Slipping a piece of fruit off the wagon and into his shabby cloak, he ambled . . ."
And:
"The guard cast him a disdainful look before continuing down the road, a handful of soldiers struggling to keep rank in the growing throng of people."
This sentence was slightly confusing. It didn't seem to fit with the above paragraph. It's the second half that doesn't fit. Maybe . . ."The guard cast him a disdainful look before continuing down the road to join the handful of soldiers who struggled to keep rank in the growing throng of people." Slight difference but it ties the sentence to the paragraph.
". . . the way most villagers' did yet instead he whirled around . . ." Try, " . . . the way most villagers' did, instead he whirled around . . ."
" . . . in his mind, this was an elf . . ." Try, " . . . in his mind; this was an elf . . ." And also, you may not want to show two different points of view in the same section. The insertion of the elf feeling eyes on him just sort of drops in there. You could still show that by saying something like, "The elf's hurried pace made the boy wonder if he knew he was being followed. Knowing what he did about elves, it sounded more than a little plausible." Probably not so much info, buy you get the idea.
" . . . over his eyes, it wouldn’t do . . ." Try, " . . . over his eyes; it wouldn't do . . ."
"A father and son most likely probably the boy’s first time in the city." Try, "A father and son most likely - probably the boy's first time in the city."
"The throng of people dispersed as they reached different paths, some in plane sight while others seemed to follow only a path that they could see." I actually don't think you need this sentence. It doesn't really add anything and it seems more like an aside than anything else. But your call. The only thing is, you should use "plain" instead of "plane." And "different paths; some in" instead.
"The elf however walked steadily for a while until reaching a less traveled road he took it, unveiling himself to the shade of the forest." Try, "The elf, however, walked steadily for a while until reaching a less traveled road. He took it, unveiling himself to the shade of the forest."
"They entered the forest Endoros, a long forgotten canopy of magic was said to have still hung there." Try, "They entered the Forest Endoros. It was said that a long forgotten canopy of magic still hung there."
*grins* I think that's enough for today. But beyond those few errors, this is starting to become quite a good story. I want to see more of this new pairing and of course, the reasoning behind the banishment of magic. You've done a wonderful job. Keep it up.
Wootang

Very intriguing start. I see no grammar or spelling errors. I did see one thing, however. There was a sentence that didn't quite make sense:
"Glancing around for an easy way to leave without engaging in battle, and hurting someone his piercing gray eyes rested on a small boy across the street."
Rereading it, it's not as confusing as I first thought; however, the comma needs to be moved. "Glancing around for an easy way to leave without enganging battle and hurting someone, his piercing . . ." There ya go. *grins*
Anyway, nice start.
Wootang

write some more!

Hi, this was a great story well written, created pics in my head and i loved it. Have you ever read aany books by R.A. Salvatore, he is my insipration. If you ever get time can you please review my story

Nice! Reminds me of Drizzt (course I'm reading the Legacy of the Drow series right now so it's still fresh in my mind). Keep it up, I'd like to see more!