This is better then Demons. It has a sense of almost insanity to it, as f your really crawling around in someone else's head. It makes the characters seem more realistic, thats what I think anyway. Are you going to do anything with it? I still think you have a Stephen King style, thats ok he can write good stuff, but it's all got the same theme and the same characters. It's good that you don't stick to horror.

Wow great work! The concept and style are really nice. Keep it up.

Wow. I liked it a lot. You did a good job of separating your story from other ones I have read about people who have been changed by science/a lab somewhere. Good job!