I really like how you used this story to sort of symbolize your real life. You took your story, and actually made it your own.

wonderful, touching and oh so true.

I like the way you ended it. I like that you left the suspecting police there - we know that there will be more trials in the future, more doubts and hardships. It's kind of a fable, really. Kudos to you for writing about something you feel strongly about. and pax, as they say in narnia!

That was so sad that he lost everyhting...I loved all the memories and angst, very intense and well-described. Interesting portryal of a born-again experience, too...very emotional. I wonder what will happen about the police suspecting him?

I hope you don't mind if I put this in a review, but I wanted to let you know I'm not mad at you, I am flattered by your interest in my story, and that I'm sorry if I came across as very angry in my a/n. I see that you didn't mean anything by it - those things are just very important to me and I feel strongly about them - plus I was just riled at having one of my characters' statements being taken as my own. I'm a yo-yo, really, so please don't think I'm holding anything against you.

Okay, the story: I thought it was nice that you put in the part about the mother not being able to accept the spirit back after the preist was killed. brings it back down to a human level. Dialogue was well written in this chappie too...nice work.

I like how you keep making the other characters call him 'brainwashed.' From my experience, and in my point of view, it is only the people who are brainwashed that acuse others of being. and I like his reaction. this was quite dramatic, but also very sound.

ah, nice long chapter. I understand what's happening a lot better through this chapter. since the squelched religious people are represented as elves in this story though, maybe you would want to make the rest a little more fantasy-feeling...I mean, make the officers some fantasy kind of police, or something? jsut throwing out ideas...

what does 'stow it' mean? *.*

"My mom stood there blinking at me the next morning in te kitchen." typo - "the kitchen"I like how the story's going. Just an idea - maybe you'd want to combine some chapters to make them longer?

very eloquent, though short, chappie. suspense!

story's coming out! that's really a sad but true situation...I like the intensity you've built. Take it easy on the dashes in and out of dialogue.

Good chapter ending again. Dialogue was much better in this chpater. I'm a little in the dark over the whole elven soldier affairs. I'll read more carefully :)

"I half reluctantly rolled my sleeve back up, buttoning it like it was nothing when it was everything." I like that.

I like that last bit about knowing your way back. I think I'm beginning to see how it relates spiritually. At the same time, however, the dialouge was pretty choppy and hard to follow in this chapter. I know you have some creative license when people talk, but still, too many run-ons and comma splices can confuse a reader.

This looks like an interesting story...I know it's the oldest thing you have on here so I hope you're okay with my reading it over one of your works-in-progress? The beginning was short but I think effective in getting the reader curious in what's going on.

"I had been looking forward to this day for over six years, and it was finally here, it felt so surreal, to think that I would finally have the permanency, the community, the wholeness, all that I had ever desired in this moment." I think you put a comma instead of a period after "finally here," otherwise it's a run-on sentance. also did you mean "I was fianlly here"?

onward...

i feel bad about you getting so little reviews for this story. It was wonderful, and made me really think about where my faith was. I have been going to church for years now, and this made me wonder what's really goin on. Thanks

Keep writing - this is interesting and leaves on a cliff-hanger. But I know what you mean, I just put up an excerpt from a story that's still mostly in my head. I can write excerpts, it's having the patience to finish the story. Here's to patience. ^..^ You might like the free e-zine - Deep Magic (http://w.deep-magic.net/index.html)
Go to their website - free download.