I'm going to be nice and honest, I didn't even read the story, and the reason why is because it's all jammed together, so try putting some spaces in the next chaptters or something because I can't read that without my brain hurting! : )

Hmm. very interesting. lots of ideas but only one paragraph. perhaps you could have padded it more and made it longer. I felt I had to read it really fast due to the lack of paras when it might have been better as two or three chapters.