Another great chapter!
Ellipses aren't always evil! Overuse of ellipses, sometimes, maybe. Depents on the situation. But this chapter seemed to be fine ellipse-wise.
It's a neat chapter. I like how the thoughts in your writing flow--very natural, sequential. There are a couple little awkward spots, but nothing major.
Great job! Keep writing!
--Museworks

Hey, you write *really* well! The only thing I might nitpick at a bit is the tense. It's sometimes wavery. Other than that, dialogue's good, the setting's good, characterization's pretty good... it's all good. :)
Sorry it's taking me forever to read your story. Your chapters are just SO long! Hahaha... that's okay, 'cause they're well-written. High-interest content as well.
Well, long life to the prolific reader!
--Museworks

This is a good story so far, but some things aren't very logical. I can take the fact that Clark keeps coming back to Vivien despite the danger. Afterall, "love makes fools of us all". But Clark is too careless and incompetent to survive as a sniper. Like, why didn't he wear a mask to avoid being identified when on the job? Or why didn't he kill the maid, since peoples' lives meant nothing to him? Despite these few lapses, this is a solid, interesting story

Great characterization!
Harpy's Club, hahaha...
It's fast-paced and intriguing, which is a wonderful thing, since it's a first chapter.
:D Museworks

Wow, I read this all in one go. ^o^ I didn't time it, but anyway...
From the post in we_ownz_it, I knew Clark was going to die...and since I usually find myself attached to male leads in stories like these, I tried to be neutral about him...but I couldn't. ^o^ I couldn't help falling for his wily ways, for his sense of hope and usually daredevil attitude softened by the fact that he meant well. And when he died, well...I wasn't (sniff!)...really that...(sniff!) affected...ah, I can't lie! (bursts into tears)
[6 1/2 hours later...]
I'm the master of sap, ne? ^o^ Anyway, until you mentioned otherwise, I kept thinking it was Vivien who met him as a child...then you said it was Victoria. It was surprising, but a very nice twist. Good, good...
I'm glad you actually took the time and effort to develop Victoria instead of making her just another face in the crowd (or a FOIL)...though the ending was sad, I think you did good justice to her character.
The characterization of Vivien and Clark were one of the best I've seen in relatively short novellas like this one. You clearly see they're not just masks, not just pieces but people, with their own strengths they use to try to cover their human flaws. Very nice.
Overall? I love this story. GREAT job.
(jumps back and flies away to r/r Fallen Angels)
~Aki~

a
ah
h! It's finished!

*ehem*

Such a sad ending. Of course, I already knew Clark would die, but still... Dying in the woman's arms was classic, and it works no matter how many times you see it on TV.

Victoria has been redeemed in my eyes ^^ At least she did the right thing in the end ('right'?! She did release a criminal, but still...)

WAit, one thing was kinda fuzzy for me. B4 Clark was shot, he froze, and then turned to Viv. Why? Did he see the guard in the distance already aiming for him or he was already hit? I really wish he'd run, but then again that would've defied the tragic death effect. Heh.

Nicely done. I agree that this is one of your best. But of course, you're bound to produce better stuff in time since you're still getting better. Thanks for the good read, and once I have time, maybe when Christmas break kicks in, I'll read Forever Blue and Hands ^^

*runs after Victoria with Tai's battle axe*

Must... hunt down... annoying twin before my Clarky-poo dies... Which he will do inevitably, but hey, can't blame a lunatic for lack of trying ^^

*ehem*

How ironic that it was Victoria who'd given him the lily and the food that night, thinking him to be her soulmate, yet once the innocence of childhood passed she put him to death.

Ack, the little girl was VIC, not Viv! That was a great twist, Geoff. I've always thought Vic seemed too much of a brat as an adult to NOT be a brat, too, as a child. Call it parallelism. I was thinking of serendipity at the time I was reading it... you know, they meet as children, then meet again as adults... heh, your way was better. Very refreshing ^^

Life was harsh on him, and still is. My heart goes out to Clark *huggles Chibi-Clark plushie* For someone who undertands and even writes about brotherly love, especially for a younger sister, I found his sister's death... harsh. An understatement, yes? Events like that only harden an already jaded man. Wherein experiences should have taught one to be more compassionate, this one created monsters. I'm glad Clark was strong enough a man not to let himself become one completely.

I love this line: "Only a man who showed mercy unto others deserved mercy unto himself." A very creative and personalized version of 'an eye for an eye'... very much molded to the personality of Clark.

You know, Vic is starting to get into my nerves. I understand the nice-girl-must-do-the-right-thing act all too well, but she ought to have consulted her sister. Viv might have struggled against it, but then Viv has more of a claim to the issue that Vic does. Vic lost her father, and so has Viv, but in addition Viv also loses the man she loves... Double for her. Then again, Vic doesn't mean any harm, which all the more makes this issue complex since the act cannot be classified is just black or white. No clear cut villain here, Geoff. Very well done. Antagonists that stand on gray areas are the most striking, after all.

Hiya! Finally, I get to read the rest of it (or at least I'll try before the sun rises on me).

I didn't know whether I'd laugh or be touched by this chapter. They said love was blind, but I didn't know it was deaf, too ^^ Hell, I've never been in love, but I'm thinking I might be the type to throw any nearby object at him if he sings like that o.O; And THEN sick 'im onstage and stuff the mic down his throat ^^

You know, that was a really romantic chapter... He's so sweet (for a thief, i mean). And i guess Clark's the only type of person who could really get along with a spoiled brat like Viv *.*; no offense meant to Viv, but REALLY, she's quite unagreeable. ^^

Snd OMG the harmonica scene was just so poignant O.O It's one of those fleeting moments when innocence meets black heart, and somehow instead of black tainting white, it's the other way around. And I quote from one of mine, "the touch that purifies"... Death really is the most striking event in human life, especially that of a young one. It touches even when denied.

My PC in my University dormitory crashed so I had to postpone. Sorry about that. And sorry if Fox Trail will be updated a bit later than scheduled because my hard drive was wiped out. I lost all my files, including everthing I've ever written for the last few years. Darn.

Ok, good job here. I'm off to the next~

Wah! I swear that was so frickin' sad! Why?! Why did you kill Clark off? He was the coolest! NO! That is so sad! (Okay, so I repeat stuff, but that doesn't matter!) Poor Vivien! I wonder what happens to her, if she commits suicide or something. And Victoria! Poor Vicky! Getting slapped!
All in all, this was a wonderful story! I loved it, and it made me laugh and want to cry. Great story and good luck with Hands!

you didn't put me in your authors notes XP!! sweet story though. I really enjoyed reading it. makin' me cry.

What an ending. ^^ *is satisfied*
I have nothing more to say *still speechless*
I'm still your number one fan, and will continue to be reading your work as long as you're still writing them.
-Cindy Moon *)

Gosh, I can't believe the story has ended. I do hate you, X_x;;, you know that right? >< You always write terribly sad endings that make me end up in tears. I can't help it. ><
I no longer think you're female, XD, hurray for ya! ^^ It's just awesome how you can write so well; the way your writing style goes. It's rather rare to see a guy being able to do mush/fluff, and you really did well in this story, combining mush/fluff with a twist of action and adventure. Pity it had to have a tragic ending.
You know I'll always stick to your fics, *dies laughing*, so write more! Good that you're on a writing frenzy. Do remember to mail me when you've got a new story on hand. I can't wait to read it.
Sorry for the endlessly long review ... ^^;;
MiNt*

wOW rEAllY tOUchIng iT tUrNEd OUt wELL thO, pERty sWT tOO rEAlly gUD jOb aND iT wASnt lAggY or aNYthINg iT goT to iTS mAIN poiNTS shO iT wAS pERty eXciTiN niCE wORK!

An intriguing story with a nice cliffhanger. Not too bad.

A few suggestions, typos, things like that:
**"rout" = "route"
Than there was the exposition on business growth in the middle of a chase scene! Are you NUTS? NEVER put exposition in a major action scene! It slows down the pace, it distracts the reader, and it just doesn't fit. There may be exceptions to this rule, of course (though I can't think of any), but if there exist, they do not apply here. Take it out. You don't really need to say WHY the office buildings are abandoned, just that they are. It's nice that you know so much about your world that you know the reason. But here, at least, the reader does not need to know at all.
**"show the two guards with a single bullet." = "slew the two guards with a single bullet." And that would take some skill, unless they were standing in front of each other and the bullet went all the way through one and into the other...
**"The answer machine" = "The answering machine"
**"don't you." = "don't you?" There were a couple of other places where you forgot the question marks on the end of a question. It's one thing if a character is saying it and then the narration says something like, "It wasn't a question, but a statement of fact." or something like that. But if you don't qualify it like that, you better have the question mark.
**"one of those...rapist" = "one of those...rapists"
**How does Clark know Vivien's father forced her to wear the dress? Or how old she is? Or her name, for that matter? Maybe I missed something. Viewpoint! It's very complicated, but those are some biggies to watch. Make sure the character only thinks/talks about things he could know, not things the narrator knows, or the author knows, or the reader knows, or the other characters know. Just the viewpoint character.
**"decide his fat" = "decide his fate"
**"but they died" = "but they did"

Ack, sorry if I sound really harsh. Just trying to help! And it's actually not that bad. You seem to know your characters and your world quite well, and if your writing style is a bit choppy, that can be improved. Let's see. I especially liked the indication of Clark's professionalism when he remembered to mug the guards. I assumed that you had him do this so that the other guards wouldn't suspect the sniper had killed their comrades. I liked it. It showed me Clark knew what he was doing and has been doing this for a long time.

Til I can get around to reading the rest of it,
Flamehail