I think I would have enjoyed this more if it was a poem. Don't get me wrong; it was an interesting read that held my attention. But there isn't enough substance - everything real seems just out of reach. You painted some beautiful images and appealed to the senses in a way that I think would have worked better as poetry. You are definitely talented - please keep writing!

OOh. Nice! I like the whole mood, tone and feel of this piece! Really rich and visual. I love the ending! Great job! _

wow, that was soo beautiful!

More like poetry than a story, really. Got a tad confused at the end, but hell, that's what creative writing's about! Anyway, great syntax, vocab, flowed so beautifully. It'd be really interesting as a more complete story too. Anyway, good job!