Hello there, Silver. ^^Great story you have going, you need to do more of it.. *pokes*There are a few spelling errors but they're mainly typo's which wouldn't be picked up by a spell checker like 'thought' rather than 'though'. There was another, but I can't seem to find it again. ^^;;Anyway, as you said, the main problem was people thinking that the lead character was male? I think what does this is the fact that you mention a mane on the character in question, Shadow. As readers go on they work out that this character is sort of like an Anthro lion so...female lions, lionesses don't have manes, so I suppose this is what causes the confusion!Anyway, other than that its good, very atmospheric and wonderfully descriptive. ^^

Hm, where to start? I remember a time when...*trails off* oh yeah where was I? Good Job :)

great story! I don't usually look at fanfics, but this one is excellent! you really capture what the moment is like for the character. I hope you write more

hi silver...(kisses) I liked the story...I see you like horror do you? I always wanted to see a freddy Kruegar kind of thing. see you tomorrow, silver...(hugs)

I liked this. The beginning was dark and reminded me a lot about role-playing, which is usually a good thing. Gloomy, creepy atmosphere that draws the reader in.

And I certainly want to know more about your character's race. She has a tail? Oh, I hope she's more feline than canine. I absolutely adore those cat-people (as if it wasn't already clear).

One thing, though: Lord Ivan refers to Shadow as a 'beast-man' and you show in the end that it's a female. That confused me a little.

Apart from that, it was a great story. I hope you decide to continue with it.

Well well well! Firstly- you rock, pickle, don't let anyone tell you otherwise! This is better than anything you've done before that I've read, and the comment I can make re: improvements is...if you've made your mind up that the tone is sad/weary, then stick to it. There's a bit that sticks out a little cause it doesn't match the tone of the rest:

"I said I would. I think at the time I promised him my total loyalty, and possibly the fur from my hide. Well, what would you say?"

Be more assertive- with an event that important, surely your character would remember every detail? "I said I would. I promised my loyalty unto death, my blood and sweat and flesh if he so wished." or something like. And it seems to read like a monologue, might be smoother if you don't appeal to your audience, specially since you haven't done that anywhere else.

They're just suggestions though hun, and I think you've done a brilliant job here!

*big hug* well done kitten, keep em comin :)

*nods and smiles* I like this, Silver! The description is beautifully understated, and very evocative. There's a sort of sadness and weariness about the tone, too.
More, please! ^_^