NO! THAT WAS SO SAD...*sobs loudly* you killed hope and jake! NO! *cough* sorry about that. As my best mate put it, you had me on this rollercoaster of emotions- and then threw me completely off at the end! *sniffles quietly*
Okay, here goes- fantastically great story, and i really enjoyed it. Please keep writing- i can't believe you're only 13- im 17 and i dont write that well! WELL DONE i'll be watching for your work!
bex

WOOHOO! this story was really really good... and its good to see someone my age write such good stuff... cos older people always look at our work n go... no this doesnt fit and all the stuff...

Why is Hope wailing about crime rates rising? She's PART of the crime that rises, so she shouldn't have a problem with it. An ok story so far...

Quick grammar lesson: Jake cannot "brake" through foliage. He can "brake" at a stop sign if he likes, but if Jake is going to do anything with foliage, he's going to "break" through it.

Again, why does poor Michael have to be evil? I haven't noticed anything evil about him so far. Jake's been evil towards him, but that's different. Is this a sequel or something?

When Jake is jumping, a word got left out. It says "With lithe _, he" . Clearly, something goes there. And the analogy about revelations and large hammers, the large hammer kind of destroyed the moment as well as hitting him on the head. People having revelations don't usually let people know they also revelate about large hammers, because it sounds weird.

Ah, 40 people then. Hardly an army, but oh well. Makes more sense now.

Um...army? The word "army" brings to mind hundreds of people. However good these 15 people are, logic insists that 15 people cannot kill hundreds without atomic bombs, avalanches, etc. And sorry, but Jake hasn't been getting much smarter. Hope has though!! :-)

Why "the weeks to come?"

But...Jake clearly isn't as smart as the Suke guy because he left her alone to go fight with his brother, who is obviously cleverer than him, though the two of them ARE immensely childish. I hope the two characters get more mature, or I may end up on the side of the bad guys...*crosses fingers in hope*

Jake's not very nice to his poor brother, is he? Why is that?

uh- hi again, guys
i just wanna say i found it quite ironic that in oni's review of neko's chappy, she was editing the spelling mistakes, and she spelled friend wrong...
Funny!

Don't feel like loggin in..
But anyway.. typoes, typoes...
Staid instead of stayed, incase instead of in case, and arouse instead of arose..
Other than that, it was pretty good, as usual

hey guys...
well, oni... i can't say that you didn't do a not bad job...
(i'm gonna speak in mind benders... heehee...)
please, i really do think that you shouldn't really not continue, since you aren't doing an awful job...
(please, do try this not at home, kids)
that awful thing between not not Hope and not not Sanosuke wasn't really not disgsting... i mean, i can see them not forever, living together...
(wow)
anyways, very not poor job, oni, and neko, you mustn't not write the same in chappy 12!
not hi!

Hey, Oni here. I'm reviewing my partner's chapter. I didn't notice this earlier, but you made some BIG mess-ups, Nek-chan. #1-Ally is a frined, alley is the space beteween two buildings. #2-Flowers are pretty and smell nice, flour is used in baking. Shape up, Neko!