Are you a guy or a girl? What grade are you in? I was amused by this and I read one of your other essay/satirical/rant thingys and it also made me laugh. LOL-ization and LOLoser. Ah, yes. Very funny. VelvetyCheerio.

i must say, this is a very intelligent piece of writing. It enthralled me, and made me laugh, especially about that 'like, like, like' part. Hilarious!

That, frankly, rocked. I have an even greater respect for you after reading some of the reviews.

Seems as if people are so ready to deny what your essay has pointed out. They're so eager to defend their teenybopper ways to the point where they don't even realise that they're being such hypocrites in their search to find something to argue.

To my shame, I can say yes to three of those questions, so, really, what right have I to call any of the other reviewers hypocrites or teenyboppers?

Regardless, you garner my respect and my agreement to your entire essay.

*Salute* Thanks for a wonderful read.

Glad I found this, because I agree with all of your points except for what makes me a loser. Nope, I'm not that kind of teen. Sadly, I loathe them and it's weird because I still am one. I interact best with adults, people who have the same mindset as me. You prove very good points, and I am glad I stumbled into this story. I am glad you wrote this. It's deep stuff.

~Snuffie

I'm a fifteen year old girl and here are my answers to your questions.


Does your screen name, pen name, or general Internet/public handle contain the words angel, gurl, babee, princess, or something similar? No.

Does your handle consist of a made-up Japanese-sounding name? -As you can see, no.

Are you confused by what I mean by the word "handle"? - Not at all.

Do you spell "girl" like "gurl"? - No. It's the same number of letters,might as well spell it right.

Do you spell "love" like "luv"? - No. I'm not lazy like that.

Do you use the following terms in normal conversation on a regular basis: omg, lol, lmao, rofl, omglmaorofl, cya, bai bai, kewl, or l8terz? - Once in a while, I will say "Oh em gee" and yes, I say "Bai", but in a Cartman voice.

Do you deliberately add the letter "z" to the end of every word you use? (i.e. lolz, wellz, dudez, guyz, propz, or any other abomination of English that you can think of) - No.

Do you always use smileys as a way of expressing your thoughts/emotions? - Not always. They are fun and cute once in a while.

Do/Did you have a boyfriend at age 13? - No.

Is/Was he a gangsta or a gangsta-wannabe? - N/A

Do you find those kinds of boys attractive? - Heck no.

Do you find spiky gelled hair a turn-on? - If the guy does it, he does it. It doesn't matter to me

Do you wear clothes with the word "Angel" in boldface letters and a little caricature of a slutty blonde girl next to it? -No.

Do you wear a shirt with the slogan "Little **" or something like that emblazoned on the front? -No, but if I did, I would take out the word "Little". Only because "**" describes me.

Do you think that's cute or clever? - No.

Do you think your butt looks big? - I'm actually proud of the fact it does.

Are you willing to exchange your legs in exchange for a size four waist? -No. I'll work out, but I wouldn't go to size four. I would like to get to size 7

Are you ignorant of current events? - No. I enjoy Current Events

Are you ignorant of what's going on Iraq and the Middle East? -Not at all

Are you ignorant of where the Middle East is? -Nope. I didn't go to school to be dumb.

Are you ignorant of the difference between "ignorance" and "stupidity"? -No.

Does your AIM Buddy List exceed 100 people? - No it doesn't.

Is your favorite pastime socializing over pointless issues like why you hate this-and-that and why you're in love with what's-his-name? -No. I generally like to talk about what's been going on or memories.

Do you enjoy instant messaging your friends to discuss said pointless issues? - No

Do you willingly listen to punk rock or idolize punk rockers? -I listen to what I like.

Do you really think that they mean all those songs about pain and hate and rebellion? - No, but they might be enjoyable songs to listen to.

Do you own glitter pens or milky pens or any of that crap? - When I was younger, but not now

Do you take notes in ten different colors using said pens? -No, I use what I have

Do you drink Asian bubble tea? -What is that? If it's tea, I'll try it though

Are you a Fundamentalist? - No. I'm Pagan

Do you own twenty different pairs of shoes? -No. I have a pair of Converse,a pair of Harley boots, and a pair of dress boots. I borrow my mother's sandals once in a while, however.

Do you own a weblog? -No

That you update every day? - N/A

Did you pay for it? - read above

Are you actually a man taking this questionnaire, but don't have the balls to admit that you must be either fruity or incredibly bored? - Last time I checked I was a woman, but let me check again...yep. I'm a woman.

I sincerely enjoy reading your essays and I'm sorry you've stopped posting them. They're really entertaining.

I drink boba and I'm still cool.

That was funny. If this was any other essay/story/poem I'd be immediately typing in LOL, but this has made me acutely aware and slightly uncomfortable of my and my friends' increasing ditziness/crowd mentality/lack of originality. So I will end this odd little review with an even odder "hahaha". Hahaha.Thanks for the review!~FF

Although highly amusing and, at certain points, clever, I will have to say that you have little grasp on the anatomy of the female mind and current 'cool things'.

I guess you're a guy, which surprised me [there aren't many on fictionpress, I've noticed through bios and such]. You seem like a nice dude, but you seem like an even nic-er writer.

Yes, my gender is full of strange creatures, particulary Ann Coulter and Paris Hilton [though I'm still not sure Ann Coulter is a woman, because that would have to mean she's a human.]

If you're wondering what the government has been feeding us, they haven't been feeding us anything. It's men, I think. I haven't really fallen victim to this 'illness' {I don't think, maybe I have and I just don't realize it) so I'm just saying this based on observation. Girls are needy, though they don't want to admit it. When we see guys go for the size two dummy, we change. And that change is all-consuming. (notice they never make inflatable fat, fully clothed girls?)

So... props to you for acknowledging girls AND boys are stupid! Nietzsche would be proud.

THANK YOU! I'm a female, yet I completely agree with you. Actually, females do tend to lose intelligence as they age. I've read in several books, including Reviving Ophelia, by Mary Pipher, that when girls enter puberty, they lose IQ points. I, luckily, was never into hanging out with people, so I missed a lot of this myself, but I know what you mean. It sucks, because these girls act like idiots, and then wonder why people think that they're stupid.

Very well written. I really enjoyed reading this. Good job.

Your writing is amusing, and it’s well-written literature. But I hate this idea of sticking people into categories and painting them all the same colour. Obviously you’d have to agree that you’ve never been inside these “LOLosers” minds, and so you have no idea what fears, pain, insecurities, and broken pieces might motivate them. I mean, sure, we can sit here and laugh at them for the screennames. Or we can encourage them to aim for something better with their brains and hearts and lives. The key word there being *encourage* --as in gently uplifting someone else, with the goal of fostering good in their life. That is, if we actually care about them at all.

Otherwise sure. Let’s just sit back and laugh.

And by the way: I am female, I am not a teenager, and the only things on your survey that apply to me are that I do occasionally say “lol” and use smiley faces (because I think they’re silly and cute), very occasionally listen to punk rock, and have a blog I didn’t pay for and never have time to update. Just so you know.

Heh, take care.

Although at times you seem very biased, I still can't help but respect the way you express yourself. In this piece you seem to be ranting about "how much you hate the icky girls" yet you seem to have hit on some real truth here. Anyway, I appreciate the way you have pointed out some faults that, when noticed, can help people to improve themselves. Good work. ~Sorry, but after your rant, I couldn't resist the urge to taunt you via smilie. :D

I took the quiz, and apparently I am not and LOLoser (which should be obvious from the fact that I know how to use the word "apparently"). Anyway, I just wanted to say that although I am a girl between the ages of 12 and 15, I agree with you 100%. I have watched many of my classmates display the symptoms of LOLization you discussed in this essay, and quite frankly, it's scary how right you are. Good job.

I LOVE IT! I'm a girl. A bit offended, I suppose, but I am pleased to boast that I am not, in fact, and "LOLoser" (I loved that, by the way). "LOL-ization is what happens when a large army of estrogen and progesterone, working for a terrorist faction called "Puberty", hijacks a girl's common sense and runs it directly into her cerebrum, effectively destroying her self-esteem, intelligence, judgement, and vocabulary." That is my favorite line. Oh, wow. "A terrorist faction called 'Puberty'"...I love it. I love it all. Not that I'm not offended, but it was hilarious nonetheless. I also enjoyed "Randumus Retardicus" from your other post, but I'm too lazy to be bothered with TWO reviews, and I had already read that one a while ago anyway. You are a genius when it comes to humor. I don't mean to egg you one, because you seem arrogant, pompous, whichever word offends you less, but I suppose you are merited permission to act that way, just because you crack me up so much. "Humor: How To Make It Suck Less" is...in one word...true. Okay, two words, because I want to add hysterical. Fine, three, because amazing works, too. Thank you for providing me with my Friday night entertainment. Instead of paying attention to your little rant, I'm going to excuse it as a hilarious post I can shove to the back of my mind while I go out to meet my friends for pizza. Here we might discuss such important issues as: "why you hate this-and-that and why you're in love with what's-his-name". Thanks for sharing this, it made my day. No, my week.

I don't understand how you're such a bastard (going by these reviews). All the offensive stuff is supposed to be a joke, and you even put disclaimers up. I mean--have these people never been on the internet before? They should never read somethingawful. There would be a rash of suicides (rather than just angsty suicide poems).

That said, who the ** are these trendy children drinking Asian bubble tea? That's not really common.

Also, glitter pens are still cool. No one will ever convince me otherwise.