"Hey,look." I don't understand the entire story. Period. Is there something you can do about your plot. It was like, Hello? What are you trying to say? *Blur* Huh? You get my point? And how awkward the story is. It's like where does the foresighting click in. I don't see how she has a foresight. Or is it meant to be metaphorical? I'm sorry to say this, but it's plotless and unclear. After reading the whole story, I'm still lost. What's your storyline? Though your descriptions aren't too bad. They're quite well written, BUT you can still do a huge revamp on that part. There's always room for improvement. Oh, speaking of improvement, what's up with that "improvised" word? I don't think that fits the context. I'm not sure what you're trying to say right there, but "improvised" just isn't the word. In my opinion, maybe say it this way: "I can't believe you managed to cover up. And he believes you! If it were me, I would've messed up." Or something along the lines. Then again, it's just my POV. You don't have to take it if you don't want to. It's your own work afterall.

what? no! not complete!

bugger.

that was fantastic. the ending mystery is burning me inside. I MUST KNOW! meanwhile, very nice, trish. draws you in, makes you think something profound is happening, then spits you out with that god-awful wondering.

awesome. this is definately going on my favourites :)

I liked that. There was this sarcasm underneath, but all I felt was the sadness and the loneliness.
But I liked it, for it hit an old cord inside me.
Good work.

Interesting. Cool. I liked it.
~I have finally finished Nightmares of Darkness. (I tried to have VERY little typos if none at all. If I do, don't hurt me!)

hey
Is good, but I don't really understand the ending, hehe.
:( also - with the sad making :(

I liked the story, especially the intimate, third person narrative and the use of dialog.

Aww... why do I feel like this is a one-shot? In any case, very clever using the idea that Kerrie has a strong gift of foresight. Now my mind is racing, trying to figure out what in the world it was that she foresaw. But, I guess we'll never know, will we? That is, unless you continue this. And I also like your usage of the present tense. It throws the reader right into the mix of things... forces them to feel what the character is feeling at that exact moment. And the tone was perfect. Unbalanced, hectic, confused, anticipant, and a whole lot more all rolled into one. I can safely say I know the feeling and that it was captured perfectly here. Good work.

-Yusef "The B.A.T." Pittman

Very nice. I liked this little shorty.

Just the right length it gives a tiny bit and forces the reader to imagine it all in vivid colour.

Is there going to be more, or is this a one time deal?

In any case...

Great job.

Cheers.