This is good but whenever you write 'their' you write it like 'thier' I know that you were young when you wrote this (my age actually) but I would make the changes and then resubmit the chapter.

hey there!

loved the story. I like your usage of words. You can put together 2 words and make them sound great! Keep up the good work!

Matt

Review my story:
Mosayio: Final Judgment

wow.. just... wow ^_^
That was so cool! I never knew you could go so deep in a few short paragraphs!
I'll remember that fic for a long time

Very, very symbolic! Excellent considering the fact that you wrote it in 7th grade. It has an unexpected maturity level.