One word. Wow. :)

You did well. The dialogue was perfectly believable, the action was n't too graphic, the story-structure was well thought out and well executed.

I think I caught like two grammer errors and a typo, but hey, who's counting?

All in all, it was a very well-written, and very well-done story that I enjoyed thoroughly. My congratulations.

I really think that you have quite a lot of talent there. Probably a lot more than I had when I was 17.

Chances are, you've probably had some time to edit it several times already, maybe even got a proofreader or copy-editor to go through it and see what needed to be changed, because it shows.

Very professional.

The only single bad thing that I can think of to say, is that the World/Universe seems just a little too similar to the Japanese Anime "Inuyasha" but since there is nothing specific to connect it, you're in the free and clear. :)

And hey, you may never have even heard of Inuyasha (I know that I've only heard of it a few months ago, and seen less than a dozen episodes) so it's really nothing.

Anyways, I'm glad that I decided to check you out, and I'll keep an eye out for anything else that you ever write in the future... :)

Arthur E. King - The Creator of the Shared-Reality-Universe "Planet Fiction"