You have way too much dialogue. And no reactions from the 1st person's point of view. If they are narrating the story (ie: we and I), then they should be telling it how they saw it.

I don't know if you have any ambitions to write for a career, but... you should probably find something better to do with your time.

Sorry for this but...horrid horrid grammar. I looked at your profile and see that you didn't grow up in the states...so I'm assuming english is your second language? (I'm not trying to be offensive or anything, it's just an assumption.)

I like the story..But I do find that Laurence is a bit...Marty-Stu-ish. He's too perfect, needs some faults..Then again, the story is from Tor's POV so perhaps this is just her image of him as of this far in the story. It's just a little odd how he's so great and she's so great...it's like "you're perfect, and I'm perfect, so let's make babies!" Which on one side is rather cute and amusing but on the other is unrealistic, though I suppose people don't write fiction to be factual do they?

So yeah...Off to read more!

-Megan

Seems intriguing, though I must say there are way too many typos. It's somewhat annoying. Like you say "and" instead of "at". It seriously needs some grammar/spelling help.

Anyway, good so far...I'm off to the next chapter.

hey, i have to take a quick break from reading this, but I will definately be back! This is going really well so far, and I love the characters. Keep it up!

wow thats a really cool story.just keep continuing.

This is good so far! w00t w00t!

i love this story! it's so romantic and suspenseful

This was real good. She a really confused girl and so am i lol. I can't figure out who the best choice for her lol.

~tickles!`

I just found your story today, and I must say it's really very good. Besides some grammatical and spelling issues, I have really enjoyed reading it. I hope you update soon- I'm dying to know what happens! I'm adding the story to my favorites list. Don't dissapoint all your fans- update the story soon!

Hey this is a pretty good story so far. I'll read more when I have time.Good job.~Dreamer to Fly~

Keep it up, this is good. Hey about the ideas that you asked for, try bringing another girl into the picture mabee the one that Laurence was hanging out with in Ch1, or the girl who had the birhtday party. would you pls read and review my story 'The Lost Dragons' I am kinda stuck on it and need some ideas.

-Ian (tokyo-samurai)

awesome. write more soon.

OMG! ur story is fun, and addictive. i almost didn't finish my assign cuz i kept clicking to the next chapter. i read all the chapters in one sitting and COULDN'T stop till i hit rock bottom at ch 19 lol. i would give u critism but i can't find any, just keep updating n that'll keep me happy. :)

He's gay... oh he isnt? ...(backs away slowly)

hey awesome chapter...you are still looking for suggestions? Well i may have one, how about Alex sees Lawrence with Alex one day and gets jealous? Dunno, just a thought...or maybe she does give up Alex and goes for Lawrence...who knows...hope those help you out!ÿ