I like this better! The line breaks work wonderfully!
The metaphor is really cool too!
I am a fan of Infinite Smiles, and I found a review in one of her poems, in case you are wondering how I found you.

I LOVE IT. THE WHOLE IDEA OF THE POEM IS GREAT, TRUE AND VERY HONEST. I CAN RELATE TO THE POEM. PLUS, IT IS VERY WELL WRITTEN. KEEP WRITING.

Ohh...sad...I like the imagery in this one as well. The last line is great, it really ties together the poem.
Great job!
~winged one~

I like the way you wrote this...very nice. =)

Unrequited love sucks. =/

Keep writing!

~Namir Swiftpaw