FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Modulated 2006-01-04 ch 1,  | abuseOriginalityComment: Introduction method and structure posses no cliche. Very commendable. Suggestion: Concept has been used often. Be sure to set it apart. CharacterComment: Introduction and development of "Sara" are incredibly well done. Suggestion: Primary physical description (red) is incredibly good. Subsequent descriptions tend to drag, and seem unneccessary. PlotComment: Introduction introduces plot well, sets tone for the story. Reflective voice is spot on. Suggestion: N/A. To early to tell, Good so far. TechnicalComment: one could qualify her beauty wearing a cute skirt and a slim dressy short sleeved skirt. Their appearance became that of the monsters that they hide so well. They stimulated the the system Suggestion: one could quantify her beauty wearing a cute skirt and a slim, dressy short sleeved shirt. Their appearance became that of the monsters that they hid so well. They stimulated the system OverallThis is a real diamond in the rough, isn't it? Beautiful start, looking forward to reading more. Keep it up. |