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oh, dear.

well, now, this is a very good story you've written here, but terribly tragic... good work!

now you should read the pendragon cycle... not to say "that's how it really went!" but to see that side of it...and cuz it's really great stuff...and...i'm tired and i don't know what i'm talking about. going to bed now...

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oh, dear.

well, now, this is a very good story you've written here, but terribly tragic... good work!

now you should read the pendragon cycle... not to say "that's how it really went!" but to see that side of it...and cuz it's really great stuff...and...i'm tired and i don't know what i'm talking about. going to bed now...

great goodness...

i didn't realize galahad was lancelot's son... or...anything else that happened...wow. ok, i'm not making sense...onward

i'm sorry...don't be mad at me...but i have never believed that lancelot and gwenhyvar ever loved each other that way...and i like the way lawhead put it...he was her kinsman, her champion (since they were both irish) but never anything more...

but this is your story! and it shall proceed however you choose. so this is how it goes. very good.

but, but...but gwenhyvar's irish! and she's a warrior queen! woot! and they got married the same day he became high king...cuz he was the duke of britain for like 7 years first...because all the stupid kings didn't want him to be high king...and merlin didn't like gwenhyvar at first! and...i'll shut up now. i just left this huge review that i think the site ate, explaining how i had just read the pendragon cycle by stephen r. lawhead, and since that's the only complete version of arthur i've ever heard, and since i absolutely loved it so much, it'll be difficult to read this one and not be like "but that's not how it goes!" so now i'm probly gonna keep reading cuz i don't wanna write my paper, but i dunno if i'll review, because, well, i don't want to put you down because you're not lawhead. i would be able to be much more enthusiastic if i weren't now his diehard fan. so...yeah. reading on

Wow that's dark. An interesting spin-off; the twist at the end nicely done.
You do juxtapose a very modern-sounding voice with a more archaic one. "Wart," in particular, evokes "The Once and Future King":)--and I was a little taken aback to find the word "crap" in there somewhere; but hey, mazel tov for linguistic liberties.;)
(Always a fan of King Arthur. For some interesting insights on Merlin and the other players--including quite a number I never knew existed--I recommend "Celtic Myth and Arthurian Legend" by Roger Loomis. Good stuff.)
Anyway, this is a good story.

OMG please don't say it's over!?! There has to be more! right?? ok...
there are a couple of spelling mistakes, esp. the first chapter you keep spelling 'neither' with the 'i' before the 'e'.
um...and just so you know-kinda thing:: i think the story goes that Nimue, Morgan, and Elaine were sisters, with Arthur being the half brother of all three. Nimue was always good, Morgan was evil, and Elaine was neutral but in the end influenced by her love for her own 1/2 brother. Morgan disguised Elaine to look like Guinievere when Arthur was doing some treaty/quest thing. Mordred was Elaine and Arthur's son then...
i know you said that you were doing your own thing, and not really following the original storyline, I just thought you'd like to know~

Evil! Evil! Computers!! *sticks out tounge at computers* Hehehe... we'll get em one day! I was worried, but I figured it was computer trouble. That happened to me a while ago >_< evil things. If your email still doesn't work, you can leave messages on my elfwood (art) Main page. Its already been turned into a chat room *laughs* well.. .I hope things start going better. I still have to write an essay before Im scott free @_@ Evil!! *hugs* Missed ya girl!!

Good news or bad news first?

Let's start with bad, so then you can finish with the good. ^_^
I'm sorry if you hate flames...This is NOT one of them. This is constructive critisim, it kinda stings, but it is really good for you. So, I'm gonna give you a little sting, then a sweet part to suck on...So to speak. Ahem. >_>

The thing that struck me most was the language. It's too modern. And yea, I know how hard it is...I'm writing one in the same Era. About Elaine. I've paused for my NaNoWriMoness, but I'll have to go back and re-write bits once the other is done.
So anyway, the language is in places too modern. 'Pity Party' is a good example, it was the first thing I noticed. As much as it sucks to have to stress over language, it's a big part of semi-historical stories, even if they are only stories. (Ahem. This is my weak point too here, so don't be too offended. We're both getting lectures.)
Another thing was the characters themselves...Do you know much about King Arthur's court? If not, I'll be happy to bore you to death sometime. :P I'm just a little confused by the character's realtions with each other, that's all. I always knew Morgan to be the evil one, Elaine was the 'Lady of Shallott', Lancelot was young, handsome, unmarried...Nimue was the lady of the lake, the Priestess.
But anyway, that's up to you. They are your toys. I just think if you want this story to really grab (Which you can do, by the way. It's pretty darn close), you need to know the characters well.
And if you ever want to publish this, there's something you'll need to know. You have to pay some old fart in England a fee for using them. I have no idea why, but it's the way it is.

THE GOOD NEWS.

I love your writin style. It's very indiviual, and no I do not mean in a 'Oh, your writing is crap so I will call it different' sort of way. I mean seriously, it's something I would read and love, if there wasn't the above mistakes. The way you make the characters relate to each other (Ignoring the above) is amazing, I think you'd do so well making up your own, in your next one.
I keep getting the feeling that this is a subject you love...but arn't too comfy with. Which means you need to 'write around'. ** your writing skills! Make sure you try other ways too! :D
Have fun. And write more!
And maybe find a Beta. That could be useful. They always are.

Ahh! You have to update! I can't wait to see what's next! Who does Elaine want to be the father!? And who is the father of Mordred? And what's the one exception for a witch carrying to term? Keep writing and update ASAP!

Wow wow wow!! Good good good! I love it lots! So long too. ^_^ I like long chapters. I wanna know who the father is! It's Authur isn't it? *isn't up on her legend still* Or... no, it coulnd't be Lance. Oh well. I will wait! It will be worth the wait! *hugs*

~Ally

This is wonderful Katy! You've really out done yourself! *grins* I'm not usually much for reading takes on autherian (sp?) legend, but this is just great. No critism from me. I liked it all. Only thing I wish is that I was more familiar with it. I know my fair share of the legend, but... well... Not as much as everyone else. I just love Sean Connery too. Wait, I've already said that ^_^. Just remember to write more! Cuz this is awesome!!

Very nice chapter! The only suggestion I have is to make the progression of time easier to understand. At times, it seems like it jumps from place to place, and it makes it slightly hard to follow. Other than that, keep writing and update soon!

Wow... Good. Omg is is good or is it good? Its good!! If you dont write more I will cry... Yep! I will up and cry and it will be sad. Because this is just... Great! Correct me if I am wrong about autherian ledgend, but isn't Morgan Authors sister too? Or... Doesn't author end up sleeping with his sister?? I swear something like that happens... maybe it was on a whole nother movie.. *Grins* I love Sean Connery(First Knight) And, anyway... WRITE MORE!! *is telling everyone to read it..*

Very interesting! The relationships between people are slightly confusing, and things seem to jump around a bit, but for the most part, excellent job! Keep writing and update soon!