Hmm... I've just read the first chappie and I want to comment on a few things. It was very good, but there are some notable things. For example, try not to list descriptions. (Like "she had brown hair that came up to her shoulders. She was wearing a pink skirt with a yellow sweater. Her eyes were a deep blue... etc.") It takes away the feeling of the story.

Try to slow things down... sometimes, your ideas jump around a little too much. Well, that's all for now... ^_^ See ya! ~the key of the twilight

Lunch in period 1 would stink.

Umm...according to Chapter 1, one Maria has Period 1 English and the other Period 1 Math (I think). Therefore, their schedules are wrong. OOpsie?

Confusing line: "Shut it! Are you trying to make me death??"

Wouldn't worry much about Le Creature's first comment (no offense), but I don't think the average person would think what she was. The dialogue in the story is great, but I think Le Creature is right that the two girls would probably not accept this strange occurance so readily, so it has a touch of surrealism (right word?).

The way this is heading, I give it a thumb up.

hey, this chappie was funny! i like Maria; the one who can't speak Spanish. she's really funny.

i can't wait to see them at school. that should be hilarious!

i could only imagine switching bodies with MY enemy. *shudders* scary thought!

oh, i posted a new chapter on my Spanish titled story. check it out when ya get some time!

can't wait for the next chapter! ^_^

lol...wow i didnt even notice that typo...neways this is a funny story n its good...update asap n i cant wait 2 read ur next chapter 2 online n offline love n ur *NEW* story! lol
DreamNightmare

Okay, a few things... "Maria pinched herself, “Ouch! Oh, man, this is real!!"

Maybe it's just because i'm tired, but your less mature audience aspects might interpret this differently than you might want. Perhaps you should say *what* she's pinching... you get my drift?

then:
“It is lame; anyway, I can’t stand living in your body! How am I supposed to go out to my parents and tell them I switched bodies with you??” Maria Pietroski shouted.

Okay, these two are really easilly accepting that they just randomly switched bodies. You might want to have some sort of transition here... maybe describe her waking up in the other's form a little bit more so that the transition comes more dramatically.

A little later on, I had a really hard time seeing where and why they were where they were. And they both play the same instrument?

But, on the plus side, you do have excellent dialogue. Fairly believable (outside of that 'too easy acceptance' thing). The mom-daughter thing was strangely refreshing from what I had half-expected as well. So, keep up the good work!

_Le Creature_

Hey, it was okay. You could work on your writing in a few places. One thing though, and maybe this is just a pet peeve: you started with facial insults. I personally prefer building up a little beforehand. Otherwise, both people seem shallow to me, and I am unpleasantly reminded of the parts of Harry Potter and other bad teen stories I didn't like. Still, it's a good start.

Hope this helps,
_Le Creature_

Typo: “Oh, hey, Rona!”-To her best friend-“I invented [should be invited] Rona to lunch with us today, you don’t mind, do you?” Laura asked.

Sounds good up to this point. Not as humorous as I would have guessed, it being labeled humor and all, but still...

I anxiously await more being posted.

what a cool story! this sounds really intersting so far.

he he he, i know some girls like the evil Maria. i feel so sorry for the brown-haired Maria. she gets transformed into her enemy!

update soon! ^_^

lmao...there IS a skool named hamilton high...its in nj...neways good story...hope 2 c more
DreamNightmare