ok now I get it. I am the bright one, no? so the box was full of snakes? eep! i like snakes, they taste like chicken, only gamey...er. i don't wanna grow up, i'm a boys4us kid.. *blink blink* lol i really am dumber than i look. i read the fics you sent me and i sent them back out of habit. did i mention i was tired? seriously, i was actually seeing things at the time. oh well. that's another story.

hiya. lookit me -- i'm reviewing!
i should review the other fic but you were online when i read that one so i had a direct link... and cuz i'm a cheater. what was the "gift" thing on her doorstep? i kinda missed that. i'm such an **. i got a referal today from my mother f**king ART teacher. how gay is that?! *mutters* just cuz i was covered in paint she throws a tantrum. hee hee. my hands were covered in a glorious mosaic of color and i had a red stripe on one cheek, a yellow stripe and an orange kanji for dog on the other cheek, a blue stripe on my forehead with a red diamond below it. i also had a giant gash of red up one arm. i hid my hands when she told me to clean them cuz i wanted to keep it but she wouldn't let me leave until i washed my face. i had my sister do that so she wouldn't see my hands and have a seizure. you know what? this had nothing to do with the fic.. which rocks. i wanna meet fala because you base characters on her and talk about her, therefore she must be some kind of godsend. people are coming over tomorrow to celebrate the fact that i survived to the age of 16, so i may not be on. i hope i get to talk to you. lol, i'm beginning to think i annoy your sister... hm. anyway (good french fries i am ADHD today) update soon or i'll have to kill you. ain't it great to get a death threat for a fic?! if i actually posted anything i wrote i would kill for a death threat. *hugs!* i like the whole "burn" thing, fala should burn more stuff! like loki!
*love and jellybeans...koi!*

The mood of this story is just right: ominous and dreary. However, much of it makes no sense. Who are all of these characters? You launch right into the story without giving any background information. What is the relationship between Fara and Alex? Who is Alphonse? Your story line also needs refining--in many parts the reader doesn't know what's happening. However, other than these few quibbles, your story is very nice. A little revision will work wonders.