FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| tomato-greens 2005-12-16 ch 1,  | abuseI read this a long, long time ago, but never reviewed; then I thought I had, so I didn't. Anyway, I finally ended up doing this. This is . . . amazing? The quality of the writing is astounding, and stark, and coldly perfect, and the idea of the rings is just--wow. So, so good. The only thing that jars me is the last sentence; but I think that's a good thing. The reality of the piece is brought to a sudden and startling light that contrasts to the rest of the almost dreamy, matter-of-fact style. Really, you should send this somewhere; have it looked at by someone professional, or something. I think it is original, and fantastic, and . . . I don't know. I bound upon thee praises and et cetera. |
| finally-defeated 2005-01-15 ch 1, | abuseahh... wow. this was incredible work. very innovative...and deep. wonderful. -fd |
| Nephriteon 2004-12-14 ch 1, | abuseI hate reality. I dont see why people want to face it. You see these things happen to others, and sometimes you just don't give a damn about it until it happens to you. Yep. |
| aiur 2004-09-07 ch 1, | abusethis is such an original piece. i'd have never thought you'd spin off the ring idea the way you did. and the ring of smoke - that really stood out and defined the whole direction of this piece. beautiful idea. and as always, your style amazes me with its flow and poetic-like murmur. captivating, if a little grim. but really well done. ~k8 |
| Day2Dreamer 2003-11-21 ch 1, anon. | abuseHey! This was really fascinating and original, keep up that fantastic work! |
| aspenjerome 2003-10-19 ch 1, | abuseYou are a damn clever writer, if needlessly cold. This is an inventive play on objects and words - especially the cigar ring. Seriously: Send this somewhere, if you haven't already. It drills one note over and over, but I'll admit it's well-drilled. There are a few editorials that I think mar the piece a little. "Rut" is a tad too stiff for my taste in describing their first house, for example, although you've accurately portrayed the abuser as the classic "provider" - many of them are. |
| wazawaisuru 2003-10-18 ch 1, | abuseWhat a great piece of writing--this really grabbed my attention and held it right throught to the end! Very sad, but very well-written! |