*Claps happily* This is a very nice written poem. I love when I read a poem about lots of emotion or depressing things. Continue the awesome work!

Take care!

P.S: It’s nice to know that there are guys on here that can express their writing skills. ;)

I love the rhythm of this. Nice work.

this is utterley amazing... everything.. the flow.. ur use of words and sounds.. im in awe! my fave part was 'take arisk, take a dive, for once seek before u hide, how can u smile to someone when your screaming inside'ur words are so brilliant and so strong! the ending was un expected but i liked it all the samethe only thing i disliked was ur repition of the word fear in the first few lines.but overall amazing poem! good job! well done!love and admiration Gretchen45 xplease review my story 'Truly madly deeply' as it wud mean alot! tanx

very nice. good symbolism and i really love the rhyming pattern u used. it was truly awesome. great job.

Thirteenth review!

As an opening note, if you do that style of poetry where lines break off at specific points to create an effect (I forgot what it was called), you should uncapitalize the first letter of the next line that continues from the previous one. It works a bit better that way.

For the first three lines of the third stanza, all the "-sion" created a rhythmic effect at first, but after about three or four of them, it started getting a little irritating. It's not necessarily irritating in a bad way; I just don't have a word to describe how you feel when, for example, you write the same word over and over again, spelled correctly, but you start wondering after the first twenty if you really *did* spell it correctly, and then you have to take a break, look away, and come back to see if you did it right. This seems to be a style in the poem; I think as long as you don't repeat the pattern more than three or four times, it should be fine.

"Feed him, ice-water and whine." Is the 'whine' here intentional?

You have a couple grammar errors here and there, but none that truly glare.

Anywho, I really like this — it's poetic and creates a pace; it's a lot like a song or, oddly, rap lyrics. On the surface, it seems like a simple poem, yet underneath, there's a meaning and a story.

Kudos!

(x) shades of clear

wow, this is only the first of your poems i've read and i'm realy dumbstruck. (in a good way) the flow was amazing, it seemed more like a rap. a song. it's very different from what i usually read. you have such unique talent. oh, and i have a question for you. I read the note at the bottom and, how do you reformat your work? I've been ** with Fictionpress too. Ecspecially with my poem the gollum in me, stanzas are definetly important.

I'm so in awe of this I can't even think what to say... Will 'wow' work for now? I'm adding you to my favorites, I can't help it ^_^ .
chochang913

inspiring.
the sort of material that after you read, you just would like to believe more.
kudos!

wow that was really really good. somtimes i try to write poetry, but i think by biggest flaw is that i don't have a very big vocabulary..any suggestions that don't involve reading the dictionary?

Wow! That was...Wow! If only I could get some beat box action going on...

Now this was one great use of rhyming! And the poem was awesome as well :) Brilliant write!

WOW! This was great! You used great word choice and it was really interesting to read. I got a message out of it, whether or not it's one you intended. I really liked it, keep writing!

^^ *beams* I'm so glad you updated this poem. It's now one of my favorites. I'm obsessing over it; its haunting me. I read it countless times to try to find the deeper meaning. It's so good! Wonderful tone, choice of words is excellent, and the random themes clash together quite nicely. Great work! (Haha, as always)
-Cindy Moon *)

i like it, it goes with your current sadistic streak
The constant illiteraion makes it sound like rap though, lol

Oh...my...That was amazing! It was absolutely amazing! I loved how you used words that sound alike in groups...and the theem is cool...

Good Job!

*Thought*