I *really* like this. You've managed to narrate something in the poetry, and the occasional rhyme - even when people get it dead right with all the syllables in place, I don't always like it - slipped into the scene really well.

'From blood-stained cheeks the soft lashes lifted' - I thought that was a particularly good line. I enjoyed the way you omitted so many pronouns, esp. at the start of sentences - worked very well.

Gonna move onto yer fic now. ; )

Kinda 'old style'.

I like it. Very nice imagery.