FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
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| miss take 2005-03-21 ch 1,  | abuseI thought it was really cute...but you shouldve used spellcheck. |
| Emmi and Lli 2002-09-08 ch 1, | abuseSome spelling mistakes, and a little puntuation, but great feeling. Happens so often, doesn't it? -Emmi |
| Skydance 2000-12-22 ch 1, anon. | abuseWell, the first thing that comes to mind is that the end does not fit the mood of the rest of the poem. Throughout, it states, "I'm sorry," without giving a hint of other contradictory feelings, with perhaps the sole exception of the first line, but the end states quite clearly that the "author" is not sorry at all. The rythem is there, but perhaps not as obvious as it should be. If the reader is aware of what s/he is doing, then it can be found in the recitation, but it doesn't take care of itself. I like the theme of the first line, (even if it did change focus), and I liked the way the focus was seen differently throughout(sp?). Overall, I liked it, but I think you might edit it a bit. |