hey me again, aw no you killed off brian and charlie i liked them :'( you always kill off the characters i like :( oh well still an really cool story keep at it!

Hm, pretty cool so far. I think you need to add some more descriptions, describe what does everything look like, what do the people look like - use describing words. You have some descriptions, and those are great, but when I think back, I don't know what Freddy or Craig looks like.
Other than that a very good and I look forward to more(there is going to be more right?!?!) :)
Keep writing
~ionlyliveindreams