soz! i only read the first chapter. (bashful face). its really cool, and more than a little freaky. it just shows that u never know who people really are.

A little detached; not really emotive language, but really good. It's not quite finished, and the reader doesnt get to know what it is that he is trying to say. It draws out the suspence of the message, the urgency portrayed because he is out of breath. It's really good. Tell me what happens! ;-)

as if I were Ferris Bueller!

*haha* lol! that's so great!

lol. i must have this weord sense of humor or sumthing cuz that supposed tragedy was kinda funny. it was kinda like romeo and juliet... in a really freaky-twisted-modern kinda way. i liked it. great job person. kay, have a nice day.

wah! lol. that came outta nowhere. and twin sister? crazyness. that chapter was kinda amusing.

hmm.. this is kinda interesting... in a kinda lost kinda way (i shud prolly read on then. heh). anywayz. good job. and ooh! yayy ferris bueller! maan, that is THE best movie in the world. kay moving on.

I have an ulterior motive with this story!

IzzyJ almost has it! IzzyJ speakes the truth at the end ... maybe I did that on purpose.

What does that mean, then? (tell me what you think ... don't be afraid to get philosophical or be wrong.)

It's okay, ironic they look lovers when they died, but didn't the older lady notice the knife still stuck in Jeff? Yes, they seem very different from how they were in the first chapter, but seemed like we were TOLD that instead of having it hinted at us, then confirmed by their actions.

Izzy J.

Ow! Well, this puts Jane Doe's twin sis in a VERY different light! And Tanya'a husband is even worse than I thought!

Izzy J.

I don't get all the Bible references n how disownment connects to irate Italian businessmen...but that's your quirky humor at work! And...interesting all of Jeff's strength comes from the booze...

Izzy J.

Nice foreshadowing with the last line of this chapter. I think you got a mistakes here: "that's, 's just you're favorite bench" Well, two, I think. If this is saved as document instead of html, the ellipsis (...) is converted to.. FictionPress does that. Why? Je ne sais pas. (My most frequently used French phrase.) And Jeff...he became his favorite bench! *gasp* *wink*

Onwards to the chapters.

-Izzy J.