Reviews for from the other side of the bed

Reviews For: from the other side of the bed

The Lark Ascending
2005-03-24
ch 1,

I'm not learned in the field of poetry, so I can't offer a really critical viewpoint, but I wanted to say how much I enjoyed these verses. The line 'your tongue is accented like a sweet spanish question mark...' thrilled me, in part owing to personal experience :P) but in general you made it very easy for me as a reader to identify with the subject matter. The title struck a chord with me, too: most of us know what it feels like to lie on the other side of the bed looking at him, thinking about everything we wish we could say. I also got the impression that he might be more emotionally abusive rather than physically, or something along those lines; but that's just my take on it. Anyway, take care and keep writing!

aleppine
2003-11-13
ch 1,

I'm very flattered by that comment you left. : )

This is the first of yours that I've read, and WHAT an introduction. o_o

This poem felt organic. Not quite gushing, but the power pushed it it close. It kept a perfect balance between throughout.

I love the subject matter. The notion (I hope I am getting this right) of a dominating and abusive person who is of the class that will kill you in the name of love - my ref for that would mainly be 'kept pressed to your heart so i would suffocate' - that line was delicious in its conflicting metaphors.

'wearing your skin on my bones
you pulled me in this far and now you expect
that you won't be held responsible for my idolatry?
i guess faux narcissism is doing you good.'

That, as stanzas go, is one of the best I've seen in a long time. It was flawless. The first line totally poked a hole through me. The word choice - 'idolatory' especially sprung out - was excellent. And there's something about narcissism that fascinates me anyway, so faux-narcissism? o_o *devours*

My favourite lines, though, HAD to be:

'your tongue is accented like a
sweet spanish question mark ...'

DAMN. *YES* And what a language, too. Just the notion sent my head into a spiral of appreciation.

Excellent piece of work. There's one thing that I'd change right now (it's 1:17 AM, though, so I mighta missed something); instead of

'maybe it's the voice the eyes the searching hands...'

I'd stcik in a few commas and make it

'maybe it's the voice, the eyes, the searching hands...'

But that could just be me. Really great piece. ; )

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