again... amazing. keep it up!!

simply beautiful!

Your poems are so descriptive, well this one is anyway. Beautiful images, bliss to my eyes hehe. Not often you find some REALLY talented people on this site huh? Well you're definitely talented at least I believe so.
Jenna xx

first of all, let me just say that I finished it
what does that imply?
well, let's just say that it took me aproximately one year (yes, no lie) to get through Allen Ginsberg's Howl.
Although that was a while back, and I have matured in my virtue of patience, reading work by uncredited writers is not something that I've always been good at finishing.
But this poem, this Yuki you write of, was so amazing that I couldn't help but read it through in one treasured sitting(and out loud at that).
I don't mean to say that as an insult to Mr. Ginsberg, him being my favourite poet of all (beat out ** by a mile, no pun intended) but considering how I found it easier to read your poem than his, it seems to subtely be so. Though it isn't exactly a fair comparision. These are very different styles, and I was twelve when I first tried to read through Howl (plus I really had to go pee).
Anyway, I'm going off topic. This is, after all, a review about your poem, and not a narration about my flaws.
So where do I begin?
Well, your language is beautiful, making the images you create come to life in a chilling montage of human emotion.
Your ability to continue theme throughout the verses brought a familiarity to the poem that captured the reader and kept them entranced.
Your style is rarely seen on fictionpress, it is a smile that flows wonderfully, but does not follow a strick, meter that repeates every damn line. You write to a rhythm in your head, and it is original and fitting to the style of the poem.
You have a mastery of the language, and you play with it like a child with fire. You experiemnt, and create your own metaphors and descriptives.
Most importantly, when it comes to style, it is YOU that controls the poem and the language, and not the other way around. You drive it onwards and control the reins.
I will not select a particular line that I like because that would imply that I think less of the others, and that is simply not true. Every aspect of this poem is powerful, a solid deliverance, and every line is perfection.
However, I can't help but say that I *especially* love how you drive the narration with prose, and then give a definite statement of two lines about exactly what this means, and your use of dialogue is not overdone. It is laden with pain and very realistic.
The end of this poem almost made me cry, and back to my point in the beginning, that is also very much a rarity for me. Once again, a flaw of the person.
This was a stunning piece of work. Absolutely captivating.
On a lighter note:
p.s.
I just started reading Mary Renault's Fire From Heaven. Somebody recommended that I read the Charioteer, but I have a sad, sad library.
AND
p.p.s
OH MY GOD! I LOVE DELIRIUM!

Wow This is a very good poem. I like all the beautiful imagery especially the chiselled lips and the first verse about the flower. Well done!

*gapes*
You had me at the first two lines. Everything else was this haze of marvellous writing that left me breathless.
You know, i can't help but think of yoru writing as a mux of something. Kind of like delicate prosery (I know it's not a word yadda YADDa) and an informal toughness.
*shrugs* whatever it is, I'm sure as hell sold. ^_^

I love it when poems tell an actual story...a lot of people can't pull that off. Or is it not a lot of people can pull that off? Anyway, even if it weren't a companion to Rakuen, I think I'd be able to follow it. *lauds*

O_O

Wow.

@_@

No, really.

Okay, okay ... let me ... *isolate* my ... favorites.

The first verse.

The second verse.

... Okay, I am not even going to attempt going on.

O_O

You know why I like your stuff so much?

Cos it resonates with mine.

God, I hope I am not becoming narcissistic on top of everything else ...

Reading this made me realise you're probably (at least) slightly psychotic. To pluck such fruits from the meandering mind - that, my darling, is NOT a feat accomplished by mere realism.

You have BECOME my favourite poem on the entire site.

I shall go away now.

That is all.