Liz,
You are a talented writing. I love your use of vivid descriptions. You bring simple things like the color of a person's eyes to life! I look forward to reading more of your writing.
The only tip I would give you at this point is to work on your grammar (which you will be able to do in class), because that will sharpen up your writing and make it more credible to readers!
Excellent work!
Ms. Swanson

Finish it already damnit.