You are SO mean scott! how could u kill him! gr, that was very unhappy.
I actually have contructive critisim, or at least an attempt at it:
'Frank suddenly made an odd face. His face contorted and he looked as if he was going to cry."Lance is dead Jon."'
Ok, yeah, i think that that is sorta too much. Frank doesn't seem the emotional type, i think he should just say that Lance is dead instead of screwing up his face . . .
Yeah, so good job, keep writing!

Scott! You post too fast...makes me look bad.

You write really well. This story is great. Its written well.

Six reviews already! When I first put up my story, I think I got one or two in the first week. But I guess you have put up three chapters already.

Keep up the good work.

Oh wait, you want constructive criticism? In chapter three, 'Suddenly there are loud 3 gun shots a short ways off' that should be in the past tense. And now that I read that sentence again, it should be '3 loud gunshots' instead. yeah, that was the only thing I noticed though.

Anyway, good job.

cars, cars, cars, ur obsesive. oh well, good job with the chapter! foul mouthed birthday-boy, i'll get u! (srry, having a little spastic moment and decided to leave it in). anyway, good job, keep writing!

Oh this story is so god u really should keep up writing and thank you for the review u sent me.

well kid, you are a really great author. your story flows really well and i love your choice of words and such. your descriptions are also very nicely written. the dialogue is also wonderful. very realisticish. anywayz. great story overall. do write more soon. kay, have a nice day.

lol, i like Lance (i wonder where u got the name . . .) he is very, is there such a word as swear-ish? i bet not, oh well! good job scottykid! keep writing!

this story has great potentiall for a relay cool story. i cant wait to read the rest.

Yeah Scott! very good job! I wanna know what happens, keep writing!