What in the world...

Yes, you should definitely explain the whole thing with the twins better. Or at least go back and drop a few more hints that there are two people. It would make for an interesting twist, but I was completely lost.

it's very interesting. a bit rushed, but not too bad. update soon. (:

You'd better follow up on that promise...Understand? And you had a great chapter...a bit rushed, but good none the less. I didn't see any errors, and like the ending the most...That last line was good, but how the hell'd she or anyone know? That's all for now...update soon.
Sayonara
~~Silv~~

Nice twist! I like this chapter a lot. Pregnant and she loves him. That's cool. Please update.

I really like the detail about how Dante keeps his chapel concealed.
The scene where Dante decapitates Nicholas bothers me. Blades would rarely have been sharp enoguh to chop off someone's head cleanly. In medieval executioners, blunt force usually would up crushing the neck before the head was severed from the body. But that's just a nitpicky detail. The suddenness the execution fits with Dante's personality.
On the other hand, the suddenness of Dante admiting that he was wrong to Deserea doesn't fit with his personality. I can see Deserea's accusation affecting him that way, but I can't see him telling her that immediately.

Dante is an all-around intrigueing character. I like the amount of fire you gave Deserea and then you thrown in an occasional fatalistic moment.

Girl's comments at the beginning make her sound like the type who would have frought back more than she did against the thugs. The comment that Dante makes about her being a powerful woman intrigues me. Did she have some role or position that we weren't told about. Dante seems like the rather sick and bored type of person who would be amused by breaking someone with power.

You're missing a whole lot of character development and situational description. I'd suggest several chapters after your ch 2 and before your ch 3.
Keep writing! It will get better.
JP

Great premise, but the description is a little to direct in many places. The summary is a little TOO obvious, as is some of the dialog. I like your work in general, and I like where this story is going, but it could be improved upon. :-)

Wow this story is really good. I am looking forward to more. Keep it up.

Sivart

PS. If you get a chance check out my story.