 Velvet Reverie 2004-06-19 . chapter 1This is a good one. As I read it, I was taken back to my younger years (not too long ago, I'm only 13, mind you) and how I was so much like...A doll. I was perfect (key word there: WAS), with pretty blonde hair creamy skin and a cute little dress and shoes...*gags* I HATE that image of me! The only thing that I really like about the old me (and your doll) is the blue eyes and the "fragile hand outstretched to the world."
Anywho, good work! I love it!
-morbid child of the family- |
 lebuffle 2003-11-22 . chapter 1That's real pretty. I've never had a doll that creeped me out, but that one sure did.
I can find one thing that you could do to improve your poem. I'm not sure about the line 'staring stupidly at me'. You've made out effectively that the doll is superior to you. Thus, in this case, you wouldn't find that it was staring at you stupidly, because the doll is telling you that you are the stupid one. A better way to put this part of the poem would be to say that either you were staring stupidly at it, or it was staring at you as if you were stupid.
You've got the idea across effectively in the rest of the poem that the doll is the superior being and most certainly not stupid.
A very good piece of work. Well done! |