FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| breakdown in the waiting ro... 2003-12-19 ch 1,   | The thing about your poetry I like so well is that you don't mince words. Unecessary words are just not present. So to the point, and it gets the tone across well. (Something I learned in my poetry course! High school is actually useful!) This has such a since of longing to it. I felt that the last line was off, though. It didn't seem to fit the rest of the poem. A little too blunt, I think. Needed to be more metaphorical or descriptive. And maybe another stanza to wrap it up. -Jess |
| Puff2978 2003-11-23 ch 1, | that's a great idea about the heart attack. good work! |