I like it. The socially-awkward girl who feels like the ugliest in the room, and with successful parrents and a marriage-minded mother is somewhat cliched, but your story is enjoyable. You should update.

You wrote this excellently. When I say that, I mean that. Your descriptions and everything are all really good, as well as character emotions. Your plot, however...I think, needs a TON of work. I somehow felt something really unreal about this Mrs. Barnette. As well as Mary Ann's father's kissing his wife publically after she beat up another woman. It's just kind of...showy. Both Mary Ann's mother and the Barnette lady behaved in an almost bi-polar manner. I get the feeling that you were aiming at humor, though, so we'll let that pass. But even if they'd celebrated by bursting into laughter when they reached the car it could've still been funny, but with a little extra realism.

I don't want you to hate me for being harsh. I'm not calling the story BAD neccessarily. I just feel like it could've been captured a little differently. In a short story little things mean a lot.

Best wishes to you with all your writings.

that was pretty funny...kinda weird w/ the parents, but it was funny when the mom beat up the other mom, i was laughing inside...she deserved it...