Reviews for Light Year - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Light Year

White Arab 2003-12-18 ch 5,	abuseHello again! First of all, thanks for the email explaining the ranks and stuff. ^^ It's clear now. Kind of a neat system! And thank-you for your compliment to my writing...it means a lot to me. I still have a long way to go with my style etc, and positive reinforcement helps tremendously. As for this chapter...once again, great job. It seemed to me as if the chaos was almost...peaceful or something. A paradox. And I loved all the religious references. I had a bit of a problem with this line: "Something had chosen him, given him these horrid revelations." How did Paul arrive at this conclusion? It came up pretty fast. Perhaps if you were to insert some clues that Paul put together beforehand, it would make the revelation more believable. However, I think it's a minor problem...the rest of the chapter flowed pretty nicely and made up for it. ^^ I can't wait to find out what Paul and Kaitya have to do with each other...very intriguing. And the way Dug felt about going away and hoping that when he came back, everything would be normal again is a feeling that the reader can relate to...and that’s important. Good stuff...can't wait for the next chap. It's the final one, right? @__@ I think I'll miss this story when it's over. Whitearab
White Arab 2003-12-12 ch 3,	abuseo.o Woah. My favorite chapter so far. I LOVED the referance to 'hard as rock', where Paul wondered why this was a compliment when the Drill was crushing so much rock every day. That was GREAT. Also...when he was in the computer. That was VERY cool. With all the data...and the 'snow'. I found, however, that I wanted to know a bit more about the ranking system. You were talking about how that little girl outranked Dug...I wanted to know how...it seemed such an exotic concept...that a young, dirty child could outrank the clean, prim officer. Will you explain in later chapters? Keep at it...can't wait for more. Whitearab
White Arab 2003-12-07 ch 2,	abuseWow...you have a lot of writing skill...I feel pulled into this...and it's extremely interesting. Are you published? I noticed you only had one story posted on your account...is there any more? I would love some differant samples of your writing. As for this...well...I can find nothing wrong with it. I envy the ease at which you write science fiction. You seem to be very comfortable with the genre. I quite liked how you talked about God and the system...how they are one...that greater being that everyone looks for. And Kaitya is kind of like a prophet. Very interesting idea. Keep up with this...I can't wait for the next chapter. Whitearab
El Perro Fantastico 2003-12-04 ch 1,	abuseyo this story is pretty cool. a lot of the writing on this site sux but ur pretty good. i found some good people. kepp writing.
White Arab 2003-12-01 ch 1,	abuseWow...great beginning! I like your character development so far...I like Paul a lot. >.>; Poor kid. And I'm really interested in seeing more of this...adding it to my favorites so I can check up on you! Only a small amount of critique: I didn't realise that Paul was younger until you actually stated it...I think about four paragraphs in. I'm not sure if you want to change that or not. I started building an image of Paul in my head...and then when I figured out he was a child, I had to start re-building it. This isn't a huge drawback, just a note. I really like the vocabulary you use...very mature and very interesting. Also, the world and system you have created is clearly described...and believable. I look forward to your updates.

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