interesting, very descriptive. you caught my attention now i wonder where you will go with this.

You know, I routinely link to anyone who sends me a signed review. If you wanted to keep your pen name secret this was a bad way to go about it.
I see why you wanted a beta reader for this. I do think you've got a good concept here, although I'll be more certain when things start to happen in the story. The worst thing about it is that it stops, actually. It just screams "backstory" but we don't get to hear any of it. (That actually works out to a compliment, if you missed it - equivalent to "dammit, write more") Of course, my own stuff tends to be just as backstory-rich and tightlipped, so I guess I deserve it.

Hello. I found this very insteresting any I hope you write more. I'm very intrigued. I agree that your grammer seems to get a little mixed up, but hey that happens to everyone. I type a lot of my stuff when I'm falling asleep after I finished my homework, so I do it too. Keep up the good work.=)

This is a nice scene, visually, puts a neat image in your mind. Characters seem interesting so far, the description's good and it makes you want to read more. All it needs is a good beta, really: your grammars a little sloppy and your sentences get a little turned around. Hope you write more.