Awesome poem. Would even be cool as a song...;P Anyway, I LOVE it! Nice description. No offense or anything, but I kinda like your stories better...ACK! I'M BABBLING IN THE WRONG PLACE AGAIN! Gomen nasai! Gomen nasai!
BTW, cool penname!

i love the way that you worded it. I think that the first two lines are the most powerful in the poem. It immediateley catches the readers attention.

Woah! It all rhymes! Sweetness... I doubt I could ever do that, so kudos to you. I love the description! I mostly see poems with one or two words per line, and they have no description at all. This is the opposite. Great poem!
Keep writing
~ionlyliveindreams
P.s. Thanks for all your reveiws :D

This is a great poem. I love the way every line ends with the same rhyming. Great. Good. Classic.

WHAT! where's that subtle style gone, assuming it was ever there, dude, this is awsome, this is what i came to fiction press for, sorry i didn't review right away the ** computer crashed at school, but here i am now to congradulate this one rhymed structure, it's so neat, tight in rythem and i love the revelation on the last line, keep this up my friend, people will love this.
Kenzie

I am so glad your sister convinced you to write (YAY ** du Jour/DJ!)! You have such a unique voice. Don't worry yourself about the lack of reviews, look how many great artists went unknown while they were alive.
WAIT! That is so depressing! OOPS, sorry. You know what I mean? Sorry, I should NOT be writing reviews at work ... while listening to slow dark songs (Snowponey) ... while sick ... and tired ... and grumpy and oh so frustrated!
*
This is really nice, I really like how you rhyme this time! Kewl!
Take care!

Your writing is so...sophisticated...Beautiful. It's amazing how you can take something so tragic and word it so beautifully.