Reviews for Dreams of the Sea

Reviews For: Dreams of the Sea - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

fairy ears 2004-05-10 ch 1,	This is slightly dark. I'm not sure I like it. But the piece is well-written. It reminds me of my own style, so I like that. Second paragraph, last line, need to fix the periods and capital letters at the end. Watch your commas around sea witch. And by the way, what is a sea witch, and what is the point of her loving something that hates her? And what does it mean, "opened her soul to the sea"? Was it good or bad? Make your ending slightly more clear (nothing drastic) and this won't just be a good stylistic read, but it will be a GOOD read.
Emma 2004-05-02 ch 1,	wow.. i'm so totally speachless.. this an amazingly good story.. i so can't believe that she dies at the end though.. its soo sad.. but still it seems like that was her destiny and she belonged with the sea.. its so good though! u soo have to write more!! x Emma
LittleBearBahr 2004-02-26 ch 1,	A very good start and you have a strong hold on the scene you want to portray. A disadvantage, however, is your passive writing style. so much of what you want to describe is very powerful but is being held back by that passiveness. I cant explain how to fix that here... but see if you can do something about it. it'll make your writing much more powerful.
OtakuSailorV 2004-02-22 ch 1,	Offline right now, sorry. ^_^ THanks so much for reviewing, and I really like this story as well. ^_^ Very good, love it. Thanks again, ja! ^_~
Katherine 2004-02-21 ch 1,	This is a very well written story. Again, your writing style is very eloquent. I think the repetition of the first paragraph is very well done. I also find this story to be very spiritual, with many parallels to life. Perhaps you did not make it that way, but it seems to me that it has a deeper meaning. I believe your writing will grow as you do. You have definite talent.
katmonkey 2004-02-17 ch 1,	Wow. Great story and I love how you made the beginning and the end the same by repetition. Just a thought but I think that you use 'she' a bit too much. Maybe you could give your character a name. Other than that, I really liked this story. Well done and keep writing :) lime-girl
Zorya Utrenyaya 2004-02-04 ch 1,	Hey this is a great story, it's the kind of short story that I like best, well paced and well written. The idea's really good as well, the way you've repeated the first part at the end is cool (do you like doing that? - I noticed in your unicorn poem. :)). I would like to know more about your sea-witches, maybe a sequel? looks hopeful
LordUltima 2004-01-27 ch 1,	Short... Could have been made into something much better, but it does its job. I enjoyed the descriptions that you placed in there and the fact that you made the sea appear as an evil entity is a wonderful addition. Update coming up sometime soon
Alteng 2004-01-22 ch 1,	I know, it's been awhile!! Anyway, I finally got a chance to read your story. You have a nice writing style. Interesting that your hero is a sea witch. that brings to mind a terrible image, mind you, but I do appreciate taking other views on the normal. Your writing style is really good. If you write this doos at 15 years of age, then you will be one hell of a writer. A bit of a bummer of an ending, but not all stories have a happy ending, now do they. Of course, this leaves a lot of unanswered questions. Who did she imprison and why. Maybe a sequel to this story?
MBHayler 2004-01-19 ch 1,	^_^ I still like it, as touching as it ever was... but yeah; you really have a bad case of the 'she's goin on. Just change yer sentence structure around a little bit and presto! Newberry Award Nominee! (also, I've noticed that on fictionpress, any tripple dots on Word are reduced to only one dot. So instead, put put 9 dots, and it will be reduced to three.)
Aesper Drame 2004-01-15 ch 1,	Thanks for reviewing! I believe in giving constructive critiques, but I try not to give authors fire and brimstone. 1) You repeat the pronoun ‘she’ way to often. I know that you’re somewhat limited here, but still, try contrasting more. 2) You also repeat ‘and’ more than you need to. Sometimes the lack of it makes it more dramatic, but the frequent use also shows that you’re using too many words to get your point across to the reader. 3) Grammatical Error, at the end of the 2nd paragraph, “an endless void of darkness. then. she woke up.” There shouldn’t be periods after ‘then’ though I understand the effect you’re trying to make, so just capitalize the ‘T’ in ‘then’ and the ‘S’ in ‘she.’ 4) Pointer on the 4th paragraph instead of saying, “every time she closed her eyes; the water, screaming, pain, death.” A more vivid would be given if you said, “every time she closed her eyes. The pounding waves, the incessant screaming, the ever increasing pain, and finally… the release of death.” You need to be more descriptive and careful of your sentence structure. 5) 6th paragraph you used walked repeatedly. 6) 7th paragraph, you said the sun rises from the sea. Instead you might want to say, above the sea. 7) 5 paragraphs above the last one, you say ‘emerald green waves’ emerald green is redundant. Over all this is a beautifully written short story. You use a great deal of imagery, but are not so descriptive that it all becomes a bore. You could be clearer on who she is, and who the voice is, however. Nicely done, I hope you write more like it.
katie 2004-01-09 ch 1,	i remember this one! just as good as the first time i read it. it's my favorite of your stories but i havn;t read all of them yet
tangible mandible 2004-01-01 ch 1,	Hey there-thanks for reviewing my story! Just returning the favor here... So, anyways. This reminded me a lot of Marion Zimmer Bradely's stuff. Your use of foreshadowing and descriptions were excellent. I would like to see this expanded upon in certain areas. I agree that no, you shouldn't go into the whole "She became a witch one day when..." but there are some confusing areas. Like, who was the voice? I'm assuming that it was the sea itself, but then it could have easily been some weird evil ocean demon or really angry sea cucumber. And why did the sea or whoever want her? You wrote something about the girl holding the sea prisoner, but that doesn't really answer any questions. You give the impression that up til that point the sea and the girl were on friendly terms. What caused the sudden shift? Well, anyways, even if I was a little confused your story was well written and intriguing.
Limyaael 2003-12-30 ch 1,	Hmm. Pretty good overall. The description was especially vivid, and the repetition of the opening paragraph later in the story created a sense of inevitably that's missing all too often in stories of dommed characters. I think there are some problems, though. 1) Try to avoid the device of having the character look in a mirror. It's overused, and it doesn't often add much to a story. If your character doesn't have a strong personality, then knowing what she looks like doesn't help. 2) The POV floated off at some odd moments, such as the voice that came from the sea. If the story is told from your character's POV, who said those lines? This is a common problem to a lot of writing when people haven't settled on a POV yet; they tell things their characters couldn't possibly know, with no reason for the deviation. Could you try and include this information through your character's eyes instead of outside them? 3) There were a few odd contradictions. If she could hear the screams of the villagers, how could she only hear the sea? And why wasn't she afraid of the sea after her dream? It's strange that she could live through that dream time and time again and yet still rejoice in the sight of the ocean. Try to explain this more fully. You've got the seeds of a good story here, and I'm glad that you're willing to accept constructive criticism. Those are both signs of a good writer.
Samurai Jade 2003-12-14 ch 1,	This story was excellent! Your description really sends a vivid image to the readers mind. I also like your plot to the story; it was very interesting, and also your foreshadowing. ^_^ This is an wonderful short story! I've added to my favorites!

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