FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| Sarpedon 2003-12-24 ch 1,   | yet again- really good. hhmm, you asked for crits so i'll look... um the only bits id be picky enough to change would be "boys jump in puddles" cos for me that would be more like spring/autumn, and possibly move the pair "weather cools slowly Colours shift shades" towards the end cos yet again for me that would be more of an autumn thing so i would put it just before "day reds to twilight...". but thats just me being picky and awkward. Keep it up! Sarpedon x |
| K2 2003-12-12 ch 1, | Rather simple, but still cute. The rhythm created by inserting summer every three lines was nice, though I did trip over my mental voice at, "blackly blue"... it'd make for a good tongue-twister - a bit difficult to say. This could be a lot of fun if you turned it into one of four, each ending with the succeeding season. |
| Cantora 2003-12-12 ch 1, | Yey! I like the new stanza, dear nymph. But, I dare ask, is zephyr? *slaps herself* Very good! You will make a name for yourself here. Be sure and put the URL for your fp.com Profile Page on your ff.net Profile Page. Dude, that's confusing. Anyway, YEY! -Cantora |
| taggie 2003-12-12 ch 1, | You know, this is rather good for a first. I love the use of the word "zephyr." It just sounds so educated. Nice job all around. I hope you start posting more ^_^ |