hi, good work.
i like the start very much, up to...
'The mountain of leaves give into his leap, and/When he emerges, he wears on his face,/A grin, yet I start to weep...'
this part doesnt seem to flow as well - this is just a suggestion, but you could change it to...
'The mountain of leaves give in
To his leap, and when he emerges, he wears
On his face a grin, yet I start to weep...'
hmm... actually not sure if thats any better. take what you will, leave the rest.
good stuff, keep writin'...
simon