Hey! great work so far. I'll read the rest once the holiday season lets me out of its grip. But I just wanted to say I like your narrative style. conveys the emotions well, and its not choppy. AND, I'm interested. See you around!

I haven't given up on this story! And just to let you all know, I'll be updating soon! :)

~Erfea

What do you mean a cruel and hard hearted dad? Why I oughtta!
I liked Darkness Falls. What does it mean?
Dad

Aw...thats really sad! I can't to read more!

Ooh very cool so far. I'll be sure to check back later. ^^
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I just started writing original fiction XD I still have a ways to go before I'm nearly as good as anyone here. *jealous* ^.~
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Keep up the great work!

All the revising is done and the new chapter is up. Don't forget to R&R, or I'll sick my horde of smurfs on you. Cheers!

Hi! Alright, I've decided to revise all of the chappies. They're all finished now, so I'll have a brand new chapter up by tommorrow. So just wait a little longer please. Thanks.

Thanks so much for your reviews!!
The story is written really well. Hope you update soon!
Tesh =)

Character development chapters are always good. But, it could have been a bit longer to me. It felt a tad bit rushed in parts. My feelings were that Rale would be more obsessed with his need of revenge (I'm assuming that's his drive) than to worry about how Sarii's feeling at the moment. Not to say he's a callous character, or anything, but more that he is a driven individual and that it would take a bit more to detract him.
Hmm . . . maybe I'm just chittering randomly right now.
Basically, I liked it but thought it could be a touch longer. I'm waiting for more though!
Wootang

It seems that her brother is too much like her father.
There were a few spelling mistakes, but overall it was good. Perhaps you could add a prologue of sorts, for it starts very abruptly.

hm...
it has potential loads of potential, you just have to get at it right...
(i've been reading a book on novel writing, so i might get a bit harsh from that, sorry)
well, it would be helpful it you showed your paragraphs by puting a blank line between, thoughts should not be like *this*. Make it so a reader knows that it is a thought without going 'she thought', a reader is not a dumb person.
maybe before you use the phrase 'I hate you' you should maybe use a small flash back to help express the emotion.
emotion all over could be expressed better,
over all tho, nice job!

It is good, ooh her brother is nasty but that line, 'Sarii's eyes stung from the pain from her bleeding palm and by the nasty remark from her brother.' you could probabaly revise that a bit put something like "Sarri's eyes stung from the pain in her bleeding hand and the nasty remark her brother had said." Other than that i thought it was good. Could u review my Danarian Story, please.

lol. Thanks Wootang. I really have no idea how I missed those two things.

A good addition but more brief than I had expected. That's not a critique, just an observation. *grins* One thing:
"She quickly turned him over and looked him over." Try not to use the same word twice in a sentence. So try, "She quickly turned him on his back and looked him over." That would probably be better. Also, write out his age; fourteen instead of 14. I believe the rule is that anything under one hundred is to be written out.
Anyway, nice addition. I'm waiting for more.
Wootang
*happily munches cookie*

I really think you're doing a great job! I think you did everything right, I have nothing to complain about.
I was a good hobbit! lol I read your fic.
Update soon & I'll read!